I come from Germany so my English is not the best... I would be really happy, if someone could read and correct this text about private schools.. it's urgend
In general I think a private school isn’t a good idea and I really want to query whether the visit of such kind of school is affecting the employer positively. I also can imagine that it seems daunting. All the years I went to school I trained other skills - mostly social - that weight as much as the technically.
Children, who are visiting a private school, are experiencing a kind of artificial created reality, which has nearly nothing to do with the real life. The kids, who come from a moneyed family, are staying among themselves. But we are living in a world with social differences where such a milieu is just offered to a minority. That’s why it’s difficult to develop a view over what’s going on in the world. It is questionable whether such an artificially, mostly conflict-free world is really preparing for the working life. Important are among other things to develop a critical thinking and to learn the resolving of conflicts.
As a child it is difficult to decide what you want to work as in the future. Maybe you want to be something like a nursery nurse and there you have to be child-friendly, nice, likeable and sensitive. When you are attending a regular primary school and later a regular gymnasium you could turn into everything you want - no matter how you will decide eventually.
Tests show, that private pupil aren’t better at school then other students when looking at the support at school. I cannot say if it’s the same with primary schools, but there are no differences in the achievement at gymnasiums. Private pupils remain seated less often, but that doesn’t mean they are more intelligent. On private schools there are less migrant children, the students have a better contact to their teachers etc. But that doesn’t make clever people. For weaker students it’s easier be moved up.
Besides I think it’s bad to be separated from your friends, because you will understand soon (or your parents will teach you) that it’s about a financial elite, but not about a intellectual elite.
I’m also a migrant child and because of the public school I was able to enlarge my vocabulary and I established contact with other children. There are skills I just developed in a big group of kids, for example to pay attention to somebody, to be creative, calm and charismatic.
I’m really grateful to my parents, because they sent me to a public school and not to a private one.
In general I think a private school isn’t a good idea and I really want to query whether the visit of such kind of school is affecting the employer positively. I also can imagine that it seems daunting. All the years I went to school I trained other skills - mostly social - that weight as much as the technically.
This paragraph is not good as an introduction. Some of the sentences are repetitive and need to be deleted; others need to be worked into other paragraphs, wherever they make best sense.
Children, who are visiting a private school, are experiencing a kind of artificial created reality, which has nearly nothing to do with the real life. The kids, who come from a moneyed family, are staying among themselves. But we are living in a world with social differences where such a milieu is just offered to a minority. That’s why it’s difficult to develop a view over what’s going on in the world. It is questionable whether such an artificially, mostly conflict-free world is really preparing for the working life. Important are among other things to develop a critical thinking and to learn the resolving of conflicts.
This is more of an introduction! That last sentence should be your thesis statement (with a little rephrasing). In the first sentence, delete the commas after "children" and "reality." The adjective "artificial" needs to be an adverb -- "artificially" -- to modify the participle (adjective) "created." Delete comma after "kids." And, unless all those "kids" come from one family, you need to replace "a moneyed family" with "moneyed families." What do you mean by "such a milieu" and "minority"? How can you rephrase the next sentence so that it doesn't start with a conjunction ("But")? The adverb "artificially" needs to be in adjective form "artificial" to modify "world." Delete "a" in front of "critical." Change "resolving" to "resolution."
As a child it is difficult to decide what you want to work as in the future. Maybe you want to be something like a nursery nurse and there you have to be child-friendly, nice, likeable and sensitive. When you are attending a regular primary school and later a regular gymnasium you could turn into everything you want - no matter how you will decide eventually.
Tests show, that private pupil aren’t better at school then other students when looking at the support at school. I cannot say if it’s the same with primary schools, but there are no differences in the achievement at gymnasiums. Private pupils remain seated less often, but that doesn’t mean they are more intelligent. On private schools there are less migrant children, the students have a better contact to their teachers etc. But that doesn’t make clever people. For weaker students it’s easier be moved up.
Besides I think it’s bad to be separated from your friends, because you will understand soon (or your parents will teach you) that it’s about a financial elite, but not about a intellectual elite.
I’m also a migrant child and because of the public school I was able to enlarge my vocabulary and I established contact with other children. There are skills I just developed in a big group of kids, for example to pay attention to somebody, to be creative, calm and charismatic.
I’m really grateful to my parents, because they sent me to a public school and not to a private one.
Now ...
1. look for similar errors in the rest of the paper and correct them, and
2. read the rest of your paper aloud to a native English speaker; between the two of you, you'll fix the idioms.
Be sure to re-post if you want further help, but remember that we will not go through the entire paper detail by detail!
In general (COMMA) I think a private school isn’t a good idea (COMMA) and I really want to query whether the visit of such kind of school is affecting the employer (WHOSE EMPLOYER? UNCLEAR) positively. I also can imagine that it (WHAT IS DAUNTING? PRIVATE SCHOOL? THE EFFECT ON EMPLOYER? UNCLEAR REFERENT) seems daunting. All the years I went to school (COMMA) I trained ("LEARNED"?) other skills - mostly social - that weight ("WEIGH") as much as the technically ("TECHNICAL ONES").
Children, who are visiting a private school, are experiencing a kind of artificial created reality, which has nearly nothing to do with the real life. The kids, who come from a moneyed ("RICH"?) family (FAMILIES"?), are staying among themselves. But we are living in a world with social differences where such a milieu is just offered to a minority. ("FEW"? "MINORITY" CAN BE CONFUSED WITH MINORITY GROUPS WITHIN OUR CULTURE.) That’s why it’s difficult to develop a view over what’s going on in the world. It is questionable whether such an artificially, mostly conflict-free world is really preparing for the working life. Important are among other things to develop a critical thinking and to learn the resolving of conflicts. ("IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO DEVELOP CRITICAL THINKING AND TO LEARN HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS.")
As a child (COMMA)it is difficult to decide what you want to work as ("WHAT JOB YOU WANT") in the future. Maybe you want to be something like a nursery ("CHILDREN'S") nurse (COMMA) and there you have to be child-friendly, nice, likeable and sensitive. When you are attending a regular primary school and later a regular gymnasium (COMMA) you could turn into everything ("ANYTHING"?) you want - no matter how you will decide eventually.
Tests show,(NO COMMA) that private pupil(S) aren’t better at school then other students when looking at the support (UNCLEAR) at school. I cannot say if it’s the same with primary schools, but there are no differences in the achievement at gymnasiums. Private pupils remain seated less often, but that doesn’t mean they are more intelligent. On ("IN") private schools (COMMA) there are less migrant children, the students have a better contact to their teachers etc. But that doesn’t make clever people. For weaker students (COMMA) it’s easier be moved up. (MEANING UNCLEAR. DO YOU WANT TO SAY THAT LESS ABLE STUDENTS ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE PROMOTED, EVEN IF THEY DON'T DESERVE IT?)
Besides (COMMA) I think it’s bad to be separated from your friends, because you will understand soon (or your parents will teach you) that it’s about a financial elite, but not about a intellectual elite. (ALTHOUGH IT IS MORE OF AN EFFORT, ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU CAN'T MAKE NEW FRIENDS, WHEN YOU GO TO A DIFFERENT SCHOOL, WHETHER PUBLIC OR PRIVATE?)
I’m also (DELETE "ALSO") a migrant child (COMMA) and because of the public school (COMMA) I was able to enlarge my vocabulary (COMMA) and I established contact with other children. There are skills I just developed in a big ("VARIED"?) group of kids, for example (COMMA) to pay attention to somebody, to be creative, calm and charismatic. (CHARISMA IS A LEARNED TRAIT?)
I’m really grateful to my parents, because they sent me to a public school and not to a private one.
You can be grateful for the education you received. However, you need to check the assumptions you make about private schools. Many of them offer scholarships for disadvantaged students, which leads to having students from more varied backgrounds. Here are some sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independent_school
http://books.google.com/books?id=7L49AAAAIAAJ&pg=PA43&lpg=PA43&dq=public+private+schools+contrast&source=bl&ots=lOyMcI-E4o&sig=Y3ZMHCV_kLaHvM-_-la7hE1uRHI&hl=en&ei=-EpGSsntFJKaMPvNuLAC&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1
http://www.hks.harvard.edu/pepg/pr/pepg0602PR.htm
http://www.ericdigests.org/1995-2/small.htm
http://www.gallup.com/poll/28603/divide-between-public-school-parents-private-school-parents.aspx
In the future, you can find the information you desire more quickly, if you use appropriate key words to do your own search. Also see http://hanlib.sou.edu/searchtools/.
Your also need to review your use of commas.
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/02/
I hope this helps. Thanks for asking.
I can help you improve your text! Here is the corrected version:
In general, I do not think a private school is a good idea, and I am really questioning whether attending such a school has a positive impact on employers. I can also imagine that it might seem daunting. Throughout my years of attending school, I focused on developing various skills, particularly social skills, which are just as important as technical skills.
Children who attend private schools experience an artificially created reality that has little to do with real life. The children from affluent families tend to stay within their own social circle. However, we live in a world with social differences, and this kind of environment is only available to a minority. That's why it becomes difficult to have a broader understanding of the world. It is debatable whether such an artificially constructed, mostly conflict-free world truly prepares students for the working life. Developing critical thinking skills and learning conflict resolution are important aspects to consider.
As a child, it is difficult to decide what you want to do as a profession in the future. Maybe you want to work as a nursery nurse, where you need to be child-friendly, kind, likable, and sensitive. By attending a regular primary school and later a regular gymnasium, you have the opportunity to become anything you want, regardless of your final decision.
Studies show that private school students are not better academically compared to other students when considering the level of support provided at school. I cannot say if the same applies to primary schools, but there are no differences in academic achievement in gymnasiums (secondary schools in Germany). Private school students may repeat grades less frequently, but that does not necessarily mean they are more intelligent. Private schools tend to have fewer immigrant children, and the students may have better relationships with their teachers, but that does not make them inherently smarter. Weaker students may find it easier to progress academically in private schools.
Moreover, I believe it is detrimental to be separated from your friends, as you will soon understand (or your parents will explain) that private schools mainly cater to a financial elite rather than an intellectual elite.
As a migrant child myself, I am grateful to have attended a public school because it allowed me to expand my vocabulary and make connections with other children. These are skills I developed within a large group of children, such as being attentive, creative, calm, and charismatic. I am truly thankful to my parents for sending me to a public school instead of a private one.