posted by leslie on .
is this a good introduction. please let me know if ther is anything wrong with it.thank you.
Although Juliet’s suitors Paris and Romeo are very similar on the outside, their thoughts and feelings are very different. Throughout “Romeo and Juliet” they are often compared. Romeo and Paris have differences as well as similarities. The most important difference is the way and the reason of their love for Juliet. This essay will discuss both the similarities and differences of these young guys.
Since you chose not to be patient, I'll throw in my opinion -- which may not be the same as our experts in high school essays.
Your first sentence is good. The next two say nothing.
You should expand on your fourth sentence.
Your last sentence is unnecessary and juvenile. The readers should know from your introduction what your paper is about. You don't need to tell them.
Also -- using slang, like "guys" is not acceptable in a formal essay.
thanks this is enough. sorry anout not being patient. i was in a hurry.
Ms. Sue is absolutely right about the different sentences in what you posted.
The 2nd and 3rd sentences simply repeat the 1st sentence, but in different words. Dump them.
Expand on that 4th sentence, and dump the last sentence ... but also remember what you wrote in your thesis. From that thesis (which would be better placed at the END of the intro paragraph), I expect to find at least one section of your paper explaining how Paris and Romeo are similar on the outside, as well as the majority of your paper stating and explaining the major ways they are different in their thinking and their emotions.
thanks for all the help