Posted by y912f on Tuesday, April 28, 2009 at 1:33pm.
1. Your first two sentences repeat each other. Combine them. Also you have not indicated specifically what time period you're comparing the 1890s to.
2. "The primary challenge for the survival of the local store owners..."
That's very PC of you, but better wording might be this: The primary threat to the survival of the local store owners...
There's a big difference between a challenge and a threat.
3. Spell out "and" -- no short-cuts!
4. "customer's" indicates that there's one customer who owns something. No? Then get rid of the apostrophe when you are writing a straight plural noun form.
5. By "coke" do you mean Coca-Cola or Pepsi-Cola or one of the generics? Surely you're not referring to cocaine which also has a nickname of "coke" -- right?
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Please go over your paper with the following in mind. Thanks to PsyDAG for the following:
In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)
[You can also either read it aloud to someone else or have someone else read it aloud to you! (The latter works really well!)]
If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other persons are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.
Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.
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And here are a couple of really good websites that will help, too.
http://www.sheboyganfalls.k12.wi.us/staff/dehogue/FSSH/proof.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/proofing.htm
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