Reposting.

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
The history of human achievement is filled with stories of people who persevere, refusing to give up in the struggle to meet their goals. Artists and scientists, for instance, may struggle for years without any apparent progress or reward before they finally succeed. However, it is important to recognize that perseverance does not always yield beneficial results.
Adapted from Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer, Watersheds
Assignment:
Is striving to achieve a goal always the best course of action, or should people give up if they are not making progress? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Thomas Alva Edison endured thousands of failures before he discovered the ideal filament to keep a light bulb lit. Had he let his failure stop him, the perseverance that pushed him to success would’ve remained dormant, and our modern source of light would be drastically different. I firmly believe that striving to achieve one’s goals is necessary to success,, and can be seen in Ken Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and my experience as a policy debater.
In Kesey’s, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, the main character, Randle McMurphy encounters failures different from Edison’s. Admitted into a mental institution, McMurphy faces the wrath of the Big Nurse. She is the evil antagonist, predetermined to make her would be law, and quash any of McMurphy’s attempts to thwart her. Throughout the story, he achieves minor victories, tied with certain failures, but never silences himself. In the end, he is lobotomized and killed, but his martyrdom becomes responsible for his victory. The other patients escape the wrath of the Big Nurse. This would’ve been impossible had McMurphy not persevered for success.
Though I have never had to face the wrath of an authority such as the Big Nurse, as a debater, I have been subjected to the hierarchical structure of the debate community. It is widely accepted that in order for one to be able to success in policy debate, one must attend a summer institute to prepare for each season. As the first person to reject this philosophy, I rejected this idea and stayed home during the summer and self-taught myself all I needed to know. Entering my second year as a debater, I was looked down upon for my “inexperience” relative to the rest of the team that had attended a summer institute. Determined to prove myself, I managed to achieve high levels of success sat tournaments, all culminating into the moment I became State Champion. My perseverance paid off in the long run.
Using failure as a stepping-stone to success is a necessary skill that enhances one ability to move forward. In order to reach the “light” at the end of the tunnel, Edison had to overcome the problems he faced, an early signal of success itself. Through McMurphy had to encounter death to do so, a well-earned victory was indeed captured.

In Kesey’s, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, the main character, Randle McMurphy encounters failures different from Edison’s. Admitted into a mental institution, McMurphy faces the wrath of the Big Nurse. She is the evil antagonist, predetermined to make her would be law, and quash any of McMurphy’s attempts to thwart her. Throughout the story, he achieves minor victories, tied with certain failures, but never silences himself. In the end, he is lobotomized and killed, but his martyrdom becomes responsible for his victory. The other patients escape the wrath of the Big Nurse. This would’ve been impossible had McMurphy not persevered for success.

Though I have never had to face the wrath of an authority such as the Big Nurse, as a debater, I have been subjected to the hierarchical structure of the debate community. It is widely accepted that in order for one to be able to success in policy debate, one must attend a summer institute to prepare for each season. As the first person to reject this philosophy, I rejected this idea and stayed home during the summer and self-taught myself all I needed to know. Entering my second year as a debater, I was looked down upon for my “inexperience” relative to the rest of the team that had attended a summer institute. Determined to prove myself, I managed to achieve high levels of success sat tournaments, all culminating into the moment I became State Champion. My perseverance paid off in the long run.

Using failure as a stepping-stone to success is a necessary skill that enhances one ability to move forward. In order to reach the “light” at the end of the tunnel, Edison had to overcome the problems he faced, an early signal of success itself. Through McMurphy had to encounter death to do so, a well-earned victory was indeed captured

How can you make your first paragraph a true introduction. It reminds me of your last essay posted, in which you jumped all over the place with no transitions at all. "Disjointed" is another term for this problem; I've also described it as "choppy" when my students have done this.

Writing good introductions:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/intro.html
http://nutsandbolts.washcoll.edu/beginning.html
http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/introductions.html

Using transitions:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/transitions.htm
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/style/transitioncues.html

She is the evil antagonist, predetermined to make her would be law,
What?

and self-taught myself
Redundant -- how can you get the repetition out of there?

Weak conclusion.

Maybe a 3. More likely a 2+.

I agree with the choppiness. It jumps all over the place. The examples were not strong, at least to me. The Cuckoo's Nest after all is fiction. It is hard to use fiction as an argument in anything. One could use Tom Sawyer or Alice in Wonderland to make any argument.

The choppiness, and weak conclusion were paramount, other errors I can look over as a first draft, but the logical basis is weak, and the conclusion stays there.
score: 3

You have done better work, and are capable of better.

I agree -- you have written better practice essays in the past.

Another qurstion:
In your directions: "Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations."
Are you operating on the idea that you must include examples from three or four of those categories? If so, I think you are weakening your papers that way. Try writing one with only ONE GOOD EXAMPLE and really analyze it. You might do better.