Posted by John on Friday, March 6, 2009 at 6:44am.
1. Delete the instances of the word "got" - otherwise, it reads fine.
2 is correct.
3. Change "finishing" to "finish" and change "fastness" to "speed."
4 is fine.
5 is fine except for the repeated instance of "the." Remove one of them.
In 6, I'd change "play thing (doll)" to simply "toy" or "doll." Then you need to clarify "it" -- is "it referring to the baby or the toy?
In 7, you should change "the same degree" to "a similar quality" - otherwise, it's fine.
To add to Writeteacher's excellent suggestions:
1, 2 and 3. You can also eliminate "degree of."
4. "It" infers an inanimate (lifeless) object. It would be better to use "she" or "he", depending on the sex of the child.
5. The "three hearts" typically symbolize "love," which is more specific than "happy." Smiling indicates happiness, so it might be better if you reversed the last two sentences.
I hope this helps a little more. Thanks for asking.
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