if everything is fine in this paragraph then let me know the grammatical errors too..!
You're still fiddling around with the intro -- but haven't even planned, much less written, the body of the paper yet?
Work on the outline/plan and the rough draft of the body of the paper. Then we'll take your intro into consideration.
Remove the detailed ideas from that intro and put them into your plan/outline -- then into your draft.
You're putting the cart before the horse here by skipping the entire prewriting part of the writing process.
Please post your thesis statement (one sentence) and your plan/outline. That's your first priority.
okay. i understand what you're saying
what should be my thesis statement? my first line, or the part about character development?
"Character development makes this book extremely interesting because you can notice when each character's thoughts and feelings are changing."
That seems to be your thesis statement. Start from there and build a plan/outline:
I. Intro, ending with thesis statement
II. Character who changes during the story -- what he/she is like at the beginning of the story.
III. What that character is like at the end of the story.
IV. Why the changes happened.
how about this as my plan:
intro- thesis [ don't know yet ]
1st- How narrator changes throughout story
2nd- how mother changes throughout story
3rd- how father changes throughout story
conclusion- success or failure. why?
never mind. i think i like your plan much better and easier to focus on one person. thanks
You could follow that plan, but it'll be all over the place with three different characters.
Concentrate on ONE character -- the one who has probably changed the most.
Right -- good idea!
Now write up paragraphs II, III, and IV in rough draft form (no need to worry about spelling, grammar, etc., yet).
Once you've gone over those paragraphs and revised and proofed, THEN you can deal with the intro, and finally the conclusion.
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