please proofread this essay
posted by Jackson on .
A secluded island with warm sandy beaches, a sunset over high cropped mountains, or the beauty and serenity of silence in a magnificent forest. A special place could as extravagant as those or as simple as your favorite cozy chair. They reach out with much more than picturesque or comfort qualities. Some of our dearest memories happen to us in these places. Maybe it is because of the comfort we find there, the connections we have that make us feel a certain way, or is it because they add to our identities. They become a vital part of who we are. We could not function properly if that place were to suddenly disappear.
My room is meaningful to me, because I‘ll never forget all of the times that me and my brothers spent there. How we used to play cards and watch movies on the weekends. All of our traditions. The Advent and Christmas season is when we had our most special traditions. Every Christmas Eve we would watch "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" and "A Charley Brown Christmas" before we would go to the late night Christmas service. A few times, I would try to throw them out, but it never worked. Although they annoyed me sometimes, they were the only ones that I could really tell anything too. We always stuck together when trouble surfaced. I guess I love my room more now since I have all of these wonderful memories in it. Boy if those walls could talk. I really miss them and the times that we shared. I do not get to see them much since they left for college.
In my bedroom, my walls show freeze frames of moments, special times and places that I've been to that I want to remember. They also hold pictures in which I draw, paint, or even doodle in my spare time. The walls have pictures of friends and family having a good time, to me this shows my personality, expressing myself through my walls.
And as I watch the sunset complement my bedroom with its gentle light, commending the color scheme, flowing through. Just occupying this space of mine brings me a special sort of self-satisfaction. I sit and reminisce about the times my mother and I painted the walls because I‘d always draw and write on them, or stare at the pictures that I placed in their own particular order reflecting my own style and habits. Piles of novels that lay beside my bed, such an easy give away of my late night enjoyments. My love for beauty hides in every picture, every corner, even down to the dainty frill on my soft, floral comforter. Burgundy, my most adored color hides beneath my feet, dancing across my floor. Everything right in its place, just where I had left it, telling the story of the perfection I crave. Each breath I take fills me with the sweet scent of lavender. Along the side, you can feel the smell of fresh April showers.
I think my room describes me as a person in many ways, from the way I've matured, my favorite colors, to the innocence of my personality. I hope this has touched your senses as much as it has mine. Though everything here in my room may be material, it still offers me the effect of being calm and at ease.
Great use of vocabulary words! I'm not sure about the conclusion though, could've been better I think.
Overall though, good job!
This is not an essay. It looks like an advertisement from some travel agency's brochure.
Essays are usually 4-5 paragraphs long or more. They include an introductory paragraph that has the thesis statement in it, most often at the end. Then there are usually 2 or 3 or more internal paragraphs which include all the supporting details to prove the thesis statement true. At the end, there's a conclusion paragraph.
And remember that sentences need to have subjects AND VERBS in them. If you need help constructing complete sentences, please let us know.
Jackson -- this isn't a bad essay, but it's too bad you didn't write it.
I hope someone wasn't trying to do plagarism or just plain fool us