please proofread this essay?
posted by Anonymous on .
I would like to take this opportunity to let you know that I am interested in applying for AP United States History. I believe that taking AP United States History will prepare me well for my college education and beyond. In addition, this course will enable me to gain a greater understanding of the past events of the country that I live in. By way of hard work, determination, and my willingness to learn, I know I will succeed in this class. I am willing to work hard to achieve the goals set for this course. Although it promises to be challenging, I accept that and believe that it will be worth it.
Taking this course will grant me a greater appreciation for school and American History. I know I will be very prepared for academic excellence through exploration of the world around me. I will keep up with all of the readings and assignments. I will continue to be responsible with my work and not fall behind, as well as manage my time and resources well.
Taking APUSH would be exciting as well as challenging, and, additionally, beneficial to my academic career. I am a highly motivated student who believes that I possess the capability to do well in this class. Although APUSH is sure to be difficult work, I have the potential to be successful and I know that it will prepare me for college and beyond.
Being a part of the APUSH class is very important to me. I think that it is a great opportunity that should not be passed up. I promise to put forth my best effort and exceed expectations. Thank you very much for considering me. I am very willing to embrace this challenge and become a part of the AP United States History class of 2009/2010.
** I feel like I repeat myself a lot.. which parts need to be changed? should I add anything?
thanks so much for helping me out in advance.
I think everything is great, but I have a suggestion about the 'I will keep up with all the readings and assignments. I will countinue to be responsible with my work and not fall behind,' I think you should start the second sentence with 'I'll also______.'
Also you should make as many contractions as possible.
The content of your paper is very wordy. I think that's what you mean by saying you feel as if you're repeating yourself. For example ...
"I would like to take this opportunity to let you know that I am interested in applying for AP United States History."
This sentence will read much better if you simply delete the first 12 words. Go through the rest of your paper and do this same kind of cutting. Cut out all unnecessary words.