Two main positive values are expressed by the writers in Fire on the Water: to have the determination to do what’s right, despite other people’s views and beliefs, and to respect and embrace one’s heritage and native roots. These values can be universally applied to any background or race; however, examples provided by Fire on the Water will focus mainly on the Black heritage.
That's my thesis statement for my essay... could someone please correct the first sentence? I feel that it sounds unprofessional and awkward... I'm trying to make my thesis answer the question: "what positive values are expressed by the writers in Fire on the Water?"
Thanks in advance!
I would ditch the second sentence and slightly expand the first one. It's the sentence that addresses the question.
Perhaps this ...
Two primary positive values are expressed by the writers in Fire on the Water: to have the determination to do what’s right, despite other people’s views and beliefs, and to respect and embrace one’s heritage and native roots.
In your paper itself, it will become clear that you are focusing on Black heritage.
Certainly! Here's a revised version of your thesis statement, aiming for a more professional and concise wording:
"The writers in Fire on the Water express two prominent positive values: the determination to uphold what is right, irrespective of opposing beliefs, and the appreciation and acceptance of one's cultural heritage and roots. Although these values can be universally applied to diverse backgrounds and races, Fire on the Water primarily exemplifies them within the Black heritage."
I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.