February 26, 2017

Homework Help: English

Posted by Stella on Saturday, January 17, 2009 at 10:55am.

We are to write a phase autobiography. English is my second language. Could you just point out some obvious mistakes or awkwardness? These are just segments of my imperfect essay that I am not quite confident to show.

Even when his raven hair suddenly turned so white, and had to greet me on his smelly, maroon sofa, I never thought I would have to lose his awkward laugh, or let Grandma receive the traditional curtseys alone on New Year¡¯s Days.
(Do you think this sentence is too long?)

Noticing my white princess dress rustling as I walk, I quickened my steps toward Grandpa.
(Is the verb 'walk' wrong in the sentence?)

There were hundreds of dragonflies spotting the clear March sky that almost shielded the sunlight. It was just that little portion of the sky above the house they chose to linger.
(Is the second sentence wrong? Teacher drew a line across it.)

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