posted by Kiki on .
Please someone read my poems I posted I am really desperate, and I need a response. thanks
I have read your poems, and what I'd like you to do is to put them away for a day or two and then read them aloud to someone else (not your mom!).
Good poems and stories are usually revised and revised and revised over a long period of time. Very rarely is anything really good ever written once and submitted to rave reviews.
There are lots of good ideas in there.
Ok thanks for the advice. What do you I should do change some of my words or just keep it the way it is.
Generally desperate poets write good stuff, but poets who are impatient fall very much short of that mark. Reread your work, and revise it spaced over time. One cannot translate emotions and feelings well on paper, as words often fail us in depth and intensity. So give it some time to make certain what is written is what you need to say. Often works submitted before that ripening time fail to say much, and are characterized by lack of depth, lack of intensity, and lack of focus.
Consider the intensity in this:
There go, my heart's abhorrence!
Water your damn flower pots, do.
If hate killed men, Brother Lawrence,
God's blood, would not mine kill you.
I am certain on the first draft, nor the second, Browning did not have those words, with such intense, deep feelings.
You can do the same, but I urge you to give it time. I suspect you can join your local poetry society (ask at the library), and you will find the time in those meetings very productive, and beneficial.
Good luck. Writing is hard work, not something that just flows from the brain with ease.
You will need to change a great deal! Please follow Bobpursley's advice. It's excellent!