math and science
posted by DeAndre on .
I am trying to get accepted in the science and math magnet program and have to write an essay on why this pathway is the best choice for me, why would I like to be a part of the program and what makes me a good candidate. This is what I have written so far, not sure if it is enough to be considered as an essay. I am stumped, PLEASE HELP
This pathway is the best coice for me because it will challenge me further, I enjoy the subject of math and the skills i will receive will be used later on in life as I further my education as a student at Ga. Technical college. Science is also a subject that i am interested in. It will better prepare me for my future. I would like to become a part of the academy of science and mathmatics because these are my best subjects in school, which will allow more learning opportunities and skills for my future career i have chosen. I am a good candidate for this program because of my good work habits. I never quit when something becomes difficult. I'm always intersted in learning more. I always strive to become the best I can be in acoomplishing my goals. Learning is what means is what means the most to me. I have a great opportunity and plan to take full advantage of this program.
I'm not impressed.
To begin, you've started with a misspelled word in the first few words.
Your first "sentence" is not a sentence, but a run-on group of words with no continuity of ideas.
Using a lower-case "i" and an abbreviation are also incorrect.
The rest of your paragraph is filled with platitudes misspelled words and incorrect punctuation.
Aside from a lack of knowledge of required English skills, you also haven't convinced me of your scientific or mathematical capabilities. You didn't even mention for what career you're planning.
I was once a marker of these exact essays for entrance to XXXX XXXX X XXXX.
Yours would have missed the mark, the main reason is
1) awkward writing, it just does not flow.
2) more importantly, you did not state how being at the school will enable you. Nor, how your being at the school will enable the other students.
Clean up your grammar. You need to convince the markers of the essays that you are meant for the school, and the school was meant for you.
I would drop the Ga Technical School reference. Just say something along the line of top rated colleges.