Posted by Mike on Tuesday, January 6, 2009 at 3:17pm.
"i need citasisom" == ??
Please clarify what you need.
Thanks.
oops sorry typo i ment to say criticism
The Adventures Of The Dragon Of Light
By Michael Evatt
"It was a dark and stormy night, his mother ran into the cave. She is about to have her baby but she was pursued by people, people on do wish her destroyed. She looked around there was no one to help her, or so she thought. All of a sudden a light shined down from nowhere she looked up and saw the baby's father. He picked her up in his arms and flew away." " And then what happened?" Asked Miller? " hold on I'm getting their child" said Ruth. " and then it's over no one knows what happens after that." " Why not the story was just getting good" cried Miller! " because child when he flew off he blinded everyone so no one could see where he went" said Ruth " and now child it's time for you to go to bed."
But neither one of them new the child the mother was carrying was headed this way."
"It was a dark and stormy night, his mother ran into the cave. She is about to have her baby but she was pursued by people, people on do wish her destroyed. She looked around there was no one to help her, or so she thought. All of a sudden a light shined down from nowhere she looked up and saw the baby's father. He picked her up in his arms and flew away." " And then what happened?" Asked Miller? " hold on I'm getting their child" said Ruth. " and then it's over no one knows what happens after that." " Why not the story was just getting good" cried Miller! " because child when he flew off he blinded everyone so no one could see where he went" said Ruth " and now child it's time for you to go to bed."
But neither one of them new the child the mother was carrying was headed this way."
Is this a book, short story, or movie?
I can find no reference to it on google.
It is a book im writing.
Your first eight words are the classic awful way to begin a story.
Your lack of punctuation and spelling errors make the story difficult to read.
Who is Miller? Who is Ruth?
What child?
This is the begining of the the story you will find out more about them later in the story. as for the other stuff thank you ill start to make changes.
You also need to start a new paragraph each time a different character speaks.
I hope you have a plan or outline for yourself so you know where you're headed with this. Otherwise, it's like wandering in the wilderness (no map)!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dramatic_structure
Every story that is worth reading follows something like Freytag's pyramid in here. Once in a great while, a successful story varies a bit (such as leaving off the denouement or even the falling action and denouement, such as in "The Lady or the Tiger?").
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