please correct my essay with details please
posted by jen on .
Can you please read my essay and correct any grammar mistakes i made. Also the last sentence of my first paragraph is my thesis, but i still don't feel comfortable with it. How do i make it better or is that fine.
NOTE: There are some quotes i used from websites and the article i'm supposed to be using, but i didn't do things like putting the sources in parantheses. My teacher doesn't care about all that. So don't pay attention to all that.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you consciously know you never been in before, but there’s this strange feeling of familiarity in your mind? This strange feeling is known as déjà vu, a French term for “already seen.” According to Uwe Wolfradt, author of the article “Strangely Familiar”, déjà vu is a “vague sense of having encountered a situation before”, but never actually recalling the situation in real life. There are many reasons to why people experience déjà vu such as stress or fatigue, but scientists haven’t been able to come up with a concrete reason. However, there are other phenomena similar to déjà vu that help scientists have a deeper understanding of what déjà vu is and why it occurs to so many people.
There are various types of déjà vu. The most common type of déjà vu is called déjà vecu which means “already lived.” This type is used to describe the feeling of having experienced the exact situation at the exact time, wearing the exact clothes, and having the exact conversation. A typical déjà vecu situation would be a man talking with his wife and saying that he had already had this conversation before at the same time and day. Déjà vu and déjà vecu are almost similar to each other because both experiences occur during the event and involve lot of details.
Another form of déjà vu is called déjà visite meaning “already visited.” This type of déjà vu is applied to people who feel a sense of familiarity about a place they never went to before. Déjà visite is a different form of déjà vu because it usually involves some type of a location. An example of this situation would be a person going to a city and saying that they have been there before. It is said by scientists that the reason people experience déjà visite is because the place probably reminds them of a special event that occurred at a similar location.
The third form of déjà vu is called déjà senti. This word means “already felt” and is when a person gets a strong feeling of recognition of his or her memory. However, the recollection of the event is forgotten two seconds later, which then leaves an uncomfortable feeling. Scientists say that the reason déjà senti occurs might be because of some damage in the brain.
Not only are there many types of déjà vu, but there are other similar phenomena that can explain why déjà vu occurs and how. One of the phenomena is mentioned by Wolfradt in his article and is called “jamais vu.” Jamias vu means never seen and is used to describe any familiar situation which is not recognized by the observer. Basically, a person denies seeing a situation or place for the first time, despite the fact he or she has been in the same situation before. In other words, it’s when a person doesn’t know the meaning of a word, but he or she does know in the mind. Jamais vu can be associated with amnesia and can affect the temporal lobe of the brain.
Tip of tongue or presque vu” is another phenomenon that is similar and somewhat different from déjà vu. It is when a person is unable to recall a word, name, or an event, but eventually remembers after some effort. This phenomenon is common and that’s why people often say “it’s on the tip of my tongue” because they know the details, but can’t remember it. Similar to déjà vu, presque vu occurs to those who suffer from epilepsy or other brain conditions.
What are the causes of déjà vu? That’s the question that many scientists are still trying to figure out. It’s hard to explain déjà vu, because so many people have experienced it but don’t know why or how. There have been research done and experiments tested and most of the results concluded that the temporal lobe epilepsy is responsible for experiencing déjà vu. However, it is unlikely this conclusion is true, because then scientists would have to assume everyone who experienced déjà vu has some type of brain problems.
There are also less scientific theories that explain the causes of déjà vu. According to Wolfradt, dreams are one possible theory, because people dream about events that can feel like it is real causing the brain to store them into memories. When a person goes out for a walk and sees a similar situation they think they saw before, they go through the process of déjà vu. Another theory is that long and short term memory plays a big role in déjà vu and is said that information will directly go to long term memory bypassing the short term memory. Although, these theories make sense, they are inconsistent. The only fact that can be concluded about déjà vu is that it is unpredictable.
To this day, scientists are still researching about déjà vu. Although, I could not find any research development to this date, the latest research I came across was November 29, 2006. Researchers, Akira O’Connor and Chris Moulin, from University of Leeds found new information about déjà vu that was experienced by a blind person by using smell, hearing, and touch. For instance, undoing the zipper of a jacket while hearing music is one example of how déjà vu experience was triggered in the unknown blind person. O’Connor and Moulin came up with a thesis that déjà vu experiences are caused when a part of the brain that deals with recognizing things gets “disrupted.” In order to test the thesis, they created an experiment. Some students were asked to remember words, later were hypnotized to make them forget. After a while, students were shown the same word again to activate their memory again. The responses from half of the students were that they “definitely experienced déjà vu.” Both researchers believe that in the future they will come close to finding the truth about déjà vu after further research on the subject.
Déjà vu is a very complex, but very interesting subject to learn about. What amazes me about this phenomenon is that so many people experience déjà vu, but there have been no conclusive results on what or why it occurs. We have so much advanced technology in the world today that can be used, but yet the answer to déjà vu is still a mystery to everyone. Researchers and scientists have found a lot of facts and supported evidence, which I hope will be useful to understand déjà vu in the near future. A better understanding of this phenomenon not only will solve the mystery of the case, but will also provide us with a better knowledge of the relationship between our brain and our memories. Or maybe déjà vu should just be accepted as a cause of nature and that there is no scientific behaviour behind it.
Whether your teacher "cares" or not, you'd better learn how to quote, paraphrase, and summarize other people's words correctly and correctly cite them. This teacher might not care, but many others do, and you need to learn how.
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Introduction and conclusion paragraphs should be about 4-6 sentences long. The introduction should end with your thesis statement -- which should be the most powerful statement in your whole paper. I see no thesis statement anywhere in your first paragraph. You need to do some revising so you have an actual thesis statement:
Internal or body paragraphs should be 6-10 sentences each. You need a topic sentence and then detail and explanation sentences sufficient to support that topic sentence. And each topic sentence needs to support that thesis statement. In your paper, I see undeveloped ideas -- that is, topics without sufficient explanation.
Get rid of all first and second person pronouns. Rephrase smoothly when you delete them.
Scroll down to Personal Pronouns.
I read your essay earlier this morning and had a similar conclusion. Here is something you may want to think on...what else is important that your teacher does not care about?
We go to school to get a solid education, not to find ways to shortcut that process. I often see students in college look for the easy classes, or worse, look for the easy teachers for content courses. Why would anyone ever do that? It to me is a maddening course, more than Lewis Carroll could have ever conjured...paying for ones education, then looking for academic bypasses.
So in the future, you do yourself a great favor by looking for the road that leads through the noise and details of analysis, which includes citing sources. It includes the drudgery of editing, rewriting, and rewriting, and rewriting. It includes searching for the exact words and phrasing. I am not certain ever if one of your teachers not caring about any of those aspects is of lasting importance: the fact that it is important should stand on its own to you. Think big, whether your mentors do or not. When given the chance, choose mentors who are willing to drive you to greatness.
Good luck. I would like to read the final essay.
Jen, THIS teacher may not care about the "particulars"; however, most teachers will. They will expect and some will demand your very best.
You need to expect your very best; this needs to become automatic in everything you do. You are going to run into all sorts of situations in life which will demand that kind of response from you.
Half way measures just won't hack it.
Go through your paper with Writeacher's suggestions in mind. Take your own red pencil and mark the places you can improve. Then rewrite until it is smooth and the kind of paper you will be proud to put your name on.
In my family the boy booby attracts the girl’s attention by tipping his beak, tail, and wing tips to the sky while whistling. Then the couple march around each other, lifting their blue feet in a high step. Trying to impress the girls, the boy blue-footed booby offers the female a twig as part of a ritual nest. Both my cousins the masked booby and the red-footed booby start to impress each other but they don’t try as hard as the blue-footed boobies. My second cousins the Masked Boobies are the only boobies in the Galapagos to have a yearly breeding cycle, on Tower Island most of the eggs are laid between August and November, but if they are on Hood Island the eggs are laid from November to February. These adaptations are helpful for our survival because if we did not mate then our population would decrease and eventually become extinct. Both of my parents help raise my siblings and take turns guarding the nest and sit upon the eggs. All of us boobies compensate for our missing brood patches by laying our feet over the eggs and the blood vessels in the webbing accomplish the same purpose. My three family branches of different boobies have very different brooding patterns. My red-footed booby cousins lay one egg and raise one chick. My masked booby cousins lay two eggs, several days apart and the older chick is much bigger than the younger. If the older chick survives, it will push its younger sibling out of the nest, where it will die. If the older chick dies then the younger chick becomes a back-up. Blue-footed boobies lay up to three eggs and have a chance of raising all three chicks.
Rewrite each sentence
“ Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?’- Christopher Marlowe. What does that quote mean? do you agree? Reflect on your thoughts about love at first sight.
In this quote, it basically says that people that fall in love with someone, didn’t fall in love at first sight. In my opinion I don’t believe in love at first sight because love at first sight is based on love movies, books, and in poetry. Some people think that they fell in love with the person they did is because they fell in love with their personality, but did they really? Many relationships for anything were based on looks first, because its was their beauty that you fall in love with at first to be able to go up to them. If anything, if the person didn’t have good looks, someone wouldn’t go up to them, but beauty doesn’t last forever. You shouldn’t fall in love with their looks, for you should fall in love with the person for who they are. Especially you should get to know the person before love happens, and love to me means is caring for someone that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with. Love shouldn’t be a game, so if your willing to get your heart broken I suggest you shouldn’t fall in love with someone for the way they look.