posted by Sahil on .
Traditionally, the term "heroism" has been applied to those who have braved physically danger to defend a cause or to protect others. But one of the most feared dangers people face is that of disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. We should consider those who do so true heroes.
Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?
As a teenage boy going through the years where his hormones are raging, the one thing I fear the most when dealing with girls is the dreaded “R” word --- rejection. Teenage relationships aside, rejection itself is a universal fear. Those who have forced themselves to overcome the fear of rejection have brought about great changes. I believe that heroes can be defined as the people who voice our views without fear of rejection; Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. are heroes in this sense.
Rosa Parks was a normal young black seamstress heading home who got caught up in the civil rights movement that had gripped the country. Racial segregation was being condemned as an elitist and unconstitutional practice. African Americans were forced to vacate their seats in the back of the bus for any white passengers who couldn’t find a seat at the front of the bus. As Rosa Parks headed home one day, she was asked to give up a seat. She refused to submit to racial rejection, and was promptly arrested. Her one act of defiance that welcomed rejection helped solidify the civil rights movement. Sparking a further drive for the civil rights movement, she became a hero to many.
During the Rosa Parks incident, Martin Luther King Jr. made his rise to power. No one dared to become the voice of the Civil Rights movement, but MLK stepped up to the plate. Instead of fearing for his life, he used his rhetoric to solidify support for Rosa Parks and the civil rights movement itself. MLK stood up for his rights and tried to overcome the barriers of racial rejection that society had thrown at him and his kind. Though he was killed, his ability to stand up in face of great challenges made him a hero before becoming a martyr. He helped win Rosa Parks’ appeal in court, and went on to become one of the key factors in the acceptance of the civil rights movement. A hero to many, he won hearts with his fearless attitude.
These two leaders stood up to unseen forces and overcame them to achieve victory. The segregation on busses was ended and declared unconstitutional, and the entire civil rights movement itself was accepted. Racial discrimination soon trickled down to an end, all thanks to the heroes that rejected the injustice practiced upon them.
Well, if you want a personal opinion, I like it! Why not look the SAT Rubric I gave you the other day, try your own "grading" and wait to see what the one who graded your other essay gives you!
Ms.Sue? Writeacher? Bobpursley? Gurublue? anyone?
One phrase I do not think correct - "welcomed rejection"...One would not welcome it, but one would accept it as an expected response.
Now, the essay is very good, well organized and well supported with fact.
BUT... Your introductory sentence, speaking of yourself, led me to think that you were going to write of an personal experience. THAT, as a reader of essays, I would have enjoyed. I know about Parks and King. I would like to know about you, particularly since you are in the process of "becoming". That would make what you have to say even more relevant. Going away to college is a challenging and fearful experience... how have you practiced preparing to "pull up your shoestrings and get on with it" when you are faced with the possibility of rejection.
Technically I would give you a definite 5. But I would have wished that you had dared more.
What could I have done to improve this to a 6?
Had you written the same quality essay, but had dared to make it based on personal experience, I would definitely have given you a 6.
I totally like it
I guess u might get the score of 12
i liked ur way in writing :D
THE BODY IS ALMOST PERFECT ORGANIZED AND ENRICHED WITH VOCABULARY :D
THE CONCLUSION IS QUIET WELL BUT I DID NOT LIKE UR INTRODUCTION CUZ I BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO IMPROVE IT :d
good luck :D