Please grade according to the SAT Rubric.
Question: Do you agree that persistence is a major factor in success? And that talent genius and education play, at best, secondary roles?
Beijing has had the honor to be the first city in china to ever hold the summer Olympics. The Olympics has known to bring out the best in all athletes. As the Olympics presents these athletes with the opportunity to mark their names in history, their output in turn is a culmination of their practice, discipline and above all, their persistent determination. I strongly believe that persistence is the key to success and this can be seen through the achievements of swimmer Michael Phelps and beach volleyball duo Misty May and Karri Walsh at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics.
Michael Phelps began swimming as a child at the age of seven. His persistence and practice helped him perfect his skill as he grew into an Olympian swimmer. At Athens in 2004, Phelps got his first taste of what it was like to be an Olympian. With his schedule jam packed with eight events,, he was determined to sweep them all in gold but came short with six gold, one silver and one bronze. Four years later, Phelps persisted and challenged himself with the same schedule he had gone though with in Athens. This time, his persistence paid off and with eight gold medals in a single Olympics, he is hailed as the greatest Olympian of all time. Persistence over came his talent and skill to have the biggest hand in granting him his victories.
Unlike Phelps, Kerri Walsh and Misty May started their Olympic careers with a well earned gold medal in Athens. But things went downhill from there. Slowly disintegrating and losing their form, they were no longer as recognized in the competitive realm. Undeterred, they persisted onwards with confidence. From August 19.2007 through the Olympic gold medal final a year later, the duo went undefeated straight through all 107 consecutive matches. Their persistence landed them two consecutive Olympic gold medals in beach volleyball, a first in the history of the sport.
The athletes overcame their difficulties not with skill alone, but also with their persistence. In the end, they savored victory with the appreciation that during all the moments when they should have given up, they chose not to.
I'd give that a 6/6. Great job!
("China" should be capitalized in line 3)
I would not conclude that talent and genetics play only a secondary role in all sports (and would cite the extraordinary achievements of Jamaicans in sprints and north Africans in distance events, as examples). Nevertheless, you have earned a high score.
This essay is much better than your other practice essays.
http://blog.eprep.com/2006/12/04/sat-essay-rubric
I'd give it a 5 -- some mechanical errors, weakly developed conclusion.
Thank you!
You're very welcome. Keep on writing!
=)
I would give you a 5 because the grammar in the writing along with the fact you should extend the conclusion.
To grade this response according to the SAT rubric, we need to evaluate the writer's use of evidence, reasoning, and stylistic and persuasive elements.
The writer presents a clear thesis statement in the introduction that indicates they strongly believe that persistence is the key to success. They support their thesis with evidence from the achievements of Michael Phelps and Misty May and Kerri Walsh at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics. They provide specific details about Phelps' journey from his first Olympics in Athens to his record-breaking performance in Beijing, highlighting his persistence and determination. Similarly, they describe the struggles of Misty May and Kerri Walsh after their gold medal win in Athens and how their persistence led them to consecutive gold medals in beach volleyball.
The writer's reasoning in connecting persistence to success is logical and well-supported by the examples provided. They argue that persistence can overcome talent and skill, and they use the achievements of Phelps and Misty May and Kerri Walsh to illustrate this point.
In terms of stylistic and persuasive elements, the writer effectively uses descriptive language and storytelling techniques to engage the reader's interest. They also employ rhetorical questions, such as "Do you agree that persistence is a major factor in success?" to involve the reader in the argument.
Overall, the writer demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and provides compelling evidence and reasoning to support their thesis. Based on this analysis, the response would likely score highly according to the SAT rubric.