Posted by Sahil on Tuesday, August 19, 2008 at 10:30pm.
Sat essays are supposed to be first drafts to a question or hypothesis. This one seems to be different from that. You supported your thesis from literature, however, it seems to me that the question is a moral question rooted in philosophy more than literature. You have somewhat a dark picture of mankind in your examples, and I suspect your personal views have been influenced more strongly by personal experience than reading Rand, Orwell, or Wilde.
The construcion is good. I would grade it 4.
It would have helped I think to make some moral arguements, or discuss "white"lies, or else make it more personal. Literature after all, is fiction, and the question does not focus on a fictionalized moral question.
I agree with Bobpursley. I'd give it a 4. There is an introduction, 3 internal paragraphs, and a minimal conclusion. Most of the sentences are OK, but there are a few that are rather convoluted and/or wordy. Here's one wordy sentence, for example: "These drastic measures are standing proof of his ability to realize that honesty is not the best policy." (Simpler phrasing could have been These drastic measures prove to him that honesty is not the best policy.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
But there's no "you" in this paper ... nothing of what YOU THINK other than knowing some literary references to use as your examples.
If you are going to take another topic to practice on, try making your case (so to speak) without using any literary references; use only experiences and personal thoughts of your own with which to back up your thesis statement.
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