PLEASE GRADE THIS PRACTICE SAT ESSAY FOR ME
Question: Do you agree with the statement that figures of authority tend to abuse their power?
Government entities and rulers of the general population consistently mark history with periods of unrestrained, unchecked and abusive reigns. Literature has reflected this belief in may works. I believe that symbols of authority continually abuse their power and we must look no farther than Mugabe's elections in Zimbabwe and George Orwell's 1984.
The election that took place in Zimbabwe boiled down between current president Mugabe opposition leader Tsvagirai. The first open and free election in years, prospects looked hopeful to Zimbabwe's population. A feeling of true freedom and democracy gripped the nation but Mugabe's authoritarian rule put an end to it all. One Mugabe lost the elections, he canceled the results, called for a new elections to be held and instead of risking the chance of defeat, he took steps to ensure his victory. Employing gangs to terrorize anyone who opposed him, fear gripped the country. Opposition supporters were beaten to the brink of death and in fear for their lives, the population re-elected Mugabe. Abusing his power, Mugabe still stands today.
Winston Smith's life can be compared to that of an opposition supporter in Zimbabwe As the main character in Orwell's 1984, he lies in a dystopian society controlled by by an oppressive and authoritarian government whose hegemonic power seems infinite. In an attempt to retaliate against the government, he tries to secretly fulfill his iinnermost desires but is apprehended and nearly tortured to death. This abuse of power robs him of his chance at freedom and a real life.
Both history and literature have shown their story of abuses of power, a folly of human nature. The patterns will continue and the true victory will be for those who come out standing.
Government entities and rulers of the general population consistently mark history with periods of unrestrained, unchecked and abusive reigns. Literature has reflected this belief in may <<SP works. I believe that symbols of authority <<I THINK YOU MEAN "AUTHORITY FIGURES" NOT "SYMBOLS OF AUTHORITY" continually <<CAN YOU PROVE THIS? EVERY SINGLE ONE?? abuse their power and we must look no farther than Mugabe's elections in Zimbabwe and George Orwell's 1984. <<BOOK TITLES NEED TO BE UNDERLINED (OR ITALICIZED).
The election that took place in Zimbabwe boiled down <<REPHRASE PLEASE; "BOILED DOWN" IS NOT THE CORRECT EXPRESSION TO USE BEFORE "BETWEEN" between current president Mugabe IS THERE A WORD MISSING HERE? opposition leader Tsvagirai. The first open and free election in years,<<AWKWARD INTRODUCTORY PHRASE; MAKE IT PARTICIPIAL prospects <<PROSPECTS OF WHAT? looked hopeful to Zimbabwe's population. A feeling of true freedom and democracy gripped the nation<< USE COMMA HERE but Mugabe's authoritarian rule put an end to it all. One<<SP? Mugabe lost the elections, he canceled the results, called for a new elections to be held and instead of risking the chance of defeat, he took steps to ensure his victory.<<COMMA AND PARALLELISM PROBLEMS IN THIS SENTENCE. Employing gangs to terrorize anyone who opposed him, fear gripped the country.<<DANGLING MODIFIER AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS SENTENCE; DID THE FEAR EMPLOY GANGS...? Opposition supporters were beaten to the brink of death and in fear for their lives,<<COMMA SPLICE the population re-elected Mugabe. Abusing his power, Mugabe still stands today.
PLEASE REREAD YOUR ESSAY -- ALOUD -- OR ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO READ IT ALOUD TO YOU. YOU'LL CATCH THE ERRORS.
FIX THESE AND OTHERS LIKE THESE THROUGH THE REST OF THE PAPER. THEN REPOST IF YOU WANT MORE COMMENTARY.
Grade it? Your first example was good, then you jumped to a literature example without much transition. Your conclusion was very broad based on two examples. I would have mentioned other examples (we have in the US a number of recent presidents who have extended their power), and a number of congressional folks who have been caught doing the same or dipping into the till).
Grammar was better than average, sentence construction better than average, although I found some sentences awkward ( I would have made them shorter). But remember, SAT graders are told to consider the essay a first draft, so for a first draft, yours is pretty good, not perfect.
For a first draft, I would give it a 5. I debated 6.
http://blog.eprep.com/2006/11/09/how-your-sat-essay-is-scored
Thank you bob and Writeacher
Government entities and rulers of the general population consistently mark history with periods of unrestrained, unchecked and abusive reigns. Literature has reflected this belief in many works. I believe that many authority figures abuse their power and we must look no farther than Mugabe's elections in Zimbabwe and George Orwell's 1984. (underlined)
The election that took place in Zimbabwe came down to between current president Mugabe and opposition leader Tsvagirai. Being the first open and free election in years, prospects of new leadership looked hopeful to Zimbabwe's population. A feeling of true freedom and democracy gripped the nation, but Mugabe's authoritarian rule put an end to it all. Once Mugabe lost the elections, he canceled the results, called for a new elections to be held. Instead of risking the chance of defeat, he took steps to ensure his victory. Employing gangs to terrorize anyone who opposed him, fear of Mugabe’s power gripped the country. Opposition supporters were beaten to the brink of death and in fear for their lives; the population re-elected Mugabe. Abusing his power, Mugabe still stands today.
Winston Smith's life is comparable the life of an opposition supporter in Zimbabwe. As the main character in Orwell's 1984, he lives in a dysfunctional utopian society controlled by an oppressive and authoritarian government with infinite hegemonic power. In an attempt to retaliate against the government, he tries to secretly fulfill his innermost desires but is apprehended and nearly tortured to death. This abuse of power robs him of his chance at freedom and a real life.
Both history and literature have shown their story of abuses of power, a folly of human nature. The patterns will continue and the true victory will be for those who come out standing strong.
I'd be happy to help you with your practice SAT essay! Here's a breakdown of your essay and some suggestions for improvement:
Introduction:
- Your introduction starts off with a clear thesis statement, which is great.
- However, I would recommend providing a stronger hook or attention-grabbing opening sentence to engage your reader from the beginning.
Body Paragraph 1:
- In this paragraph, you discuss the election in Zimbabwe and the abuse of power by President Mugabe.
- You provide specific examples to support your argument.
- Consider expanding on how Mugabe's actions directly relate to the abuse of power and why this is significant in the context of figures of authority.
- Additionally, relating this real-life example to the prompt by explaining how it supports the idea that figures of authority tend to abuse their power would strengthen your argument.
Body Paragraph 2:
- This paragraph discusses George Orwell's 1984, specifically focusing on the character Winston Smith and the oppressive government he lives under.
- Again, you provide specific examples from the book.
- Expand on how Winston's story demonstrates the abuse of power by figures of authority, and why this example is relevant to your thesis.
- Consider exploring Winston's motivations and how they relate to the larger theme of abuse of power.
Conclusion:
- Your conclusion briefly restates your thesis.
- Consider either summarizing your main arguments or providing a broader reflection on the topic.
- You could also provide a call to action or a thought-provoking question to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides specific examples to support your points. To improve, consider expanding on your analysis and directly addressing how these examples relate to the prompt. Additionally, refining your introduction and conclusion can help create a more impactful essay. Good luck with your SAT preparation!