Homework Help: Writing

Posted by Ak on Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 3:58am.

Help with grammar and etc.
Is this a good introduction in a essay for the topic would you be better off if you did'nt own a television? Discuss.

My life would not be better off if I did not won a television. Television is a way to get faster news. It provides pictures along with the saying. Television is a good way to see more action than hearing alone.

Writing - SraJMcGin, Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 4:14am
Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. Here are few things to consider:

1. if I did not won a television. = ncorrect grammar = if I did not own OR if I had not won

2. "It provides pictures along with the saying." = not too clear using "saying." Can you restate this?

3. more action than hearing alone = again, can you restate this? Perhaps adding "action rather than merely hearing something.

Sra
Writing - Writeacher, Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 8:55am
Everything Sra has written is correct. I hope you'll revise with her ideas in mind. Then you need to add a thesis statement at the end of your introduction.

Read about thesis statements here:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html

Please repost and let us know what you come up with.

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