Help with grammar and etc.
Is this a good introduction in a essay for the topic would you be better off if you did'nt own a television? Discuss.
My life would not be better off if I did not won a television. Television is a way to get faster news. It provides pictures along with the saying. Television is a good way to see more action than hearing alone.
Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. Here are few things to consider:
1. if I did not won a television. = ncorrect grammar = if I did not own OR if I had not won
2. "It provides pictures along with the saying." = not too clear using "saying." Can you restate this?
3. more action than hearing alone = again, can you restate this? Perhaps adding "action rather than merely hearing something.
Sra
Everything Sra has written is correct. I hope you'll revise with her ideas in mind. Then you need to add a thesis statement at the end of your introduction.
Read about thesis statements here:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
Please repost and let us know what you come up with.
There are a few grammatical errors in your introduction that can be corrected to improve clarity and coherence. Here's a revised version:
"My life would not be better off if I did not own a television. Television serves as a medium to receive news much faster, offering not only the spoken words but also visual images. Additionally, television provides a more immersive experience, allowing us to witness and feel the action rather than relying solely on auditory information."
To further enhance the introduction, you may consider expanding your points by including specific examples or statistics that support your argument. Additionally, it would be beneficial to introduce the opposing viewpoint in order to create a balanced discussion.