Posted by Ritsha on Sunday, June 29, 2008 at 10:26pm.
Is that your actual thesis statement? And in addition, do not use personal words (I, me, we, us,) and only refer to things as she, he, it, they, after you have specified what you are discussing (just on a side note). Ok, so your thesis statement should be more like: Shoe advertisements influence the spending of more money as opposed to food advertisements. It sounds as if this essay is a comparison, so as long as in the body paragraphs you compare each of the topics (shoes and food) then you should be fine. Just remember, if you are using a thesis, you are most likely at a point where you are using formal writing, which means you can never use personal words, and also, don't use contractions (don't, can't, etc.). I hope this helps. If you have more questions, just send them in. Good luck!
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