English Improving writing rough draft
posted by Kaleigh-Anne on .
Please take a look at this for me this is what I plan to this in however one last look would be great thanks so much for all of your help. :)
The problem is Jack and Rachel often have nothing to do
Bonnie and Molly are working extra and have to work over time
Melanie and Jessica share an administrative assistant
Larry's assistant only works 15 hours
The company is not working as well as it can
There is friction between the staff Bonnie and Molly feel that they are not being treat fairly
Victor and David are forgotten completely.
Jack and Rachel could help out the Bonnie and Molly so they do not have to work over time
Try and split the work more evenly
Maybe get rid of Larry’s assistant who works only 15 hours
Is Larry’s assistant willing to work more than 15 hours per week
The administrative assistant can maybe do less of Melanie and Jessica’s work
We have 125 people in our company train a few people in the other office so they can help out
Have the full time administrative assistant help out Samuel and Frank Daly who have no assistant
Others solutions that I considered but discarded include the following. Hiring a few people from Tina’s temp agency but that would only be a quick fix. Cut back on employees paid time off but that may cause the employee to not work as hard as they can.
I have many years working with the public
been at the company for a long time
the uneven productivity has a bad impact on the company
may lose clients if problem is not fixed soon
giving the company a bad name
morale is getting low
company finances is slowly sinking
this problem has been going on for over a month
Hiring extra help in the long run will improve efficiency
if the employees do not feel stressed they will do better at their jobs which will increase company morale
English Final draft please look this over thanks again for your help.
There are on- going problems that need to be addressed at the DMD company. First there is uneven allocation of tasks. While Bonnie and Molly are working overtime at least twice a month, Jack and Rachel often have no work to do. Victor and David are not getting any help, which causes add tension in the office. This creates friction between the workers. There is always some kind of yelling going on in our office... When our clients come in they should not being hearing such non-sense. Second, Melanie and Jessica share an administrative assistant who does most of their work for them. Third, Larry's assistant Molly can’t get all her work done in the 15 hours that she works. Molly feels overwhelmed trying to complete her work.
I do not think that the company is working as well as it can and would like to offer some suggestions.
Jack and Rachel could help Bonnie and Molly. Victor and David need to get some help. Not only would this help the productivity of the office but it will be a more peaceful place to work. To be successful the company needs teamwork without team work we have nothing. Jessica and Melanie should do more of their own work, freeing up their administrative assistant to help others. I being that Larry's assistant already requires over time make you can offer her a three day week eight hour shift position. If she is unable to do this maybe she should be replaced by someone who can do so. There are 125 employees in the company. Some of the employee's in the other office could be trained to help our group out when we are extremely busy and they are not. A full time administrative assistant could help Samuel and Frank Daly who have no assistant. Additional suggestions that I have rejected after much thought include hiring from Tina's Temp Agency, which is only a quick fix, and cutting back on employees' paid vacation time, which might cause them to not work as hard.
I have spent over 30 years working with the public including the 10 years I have been working with this company. In all this time I have never seen a company operate so poorly. The uneven productivity has had a negative impact on the company. The company will start to lose their clients. If the problem isn’t fixed soon the company will continue to make a bad name for it. not to mention ion it will make you look bad . This company has been is business for 50 years and we have several clients that have been using this company for at least 15 years. I also wanted to inform you of these issues because your job may soon be at jeopardy. The employees' morale is getting quite low. This may cause some employees to quit which would not help. The DMD’s finances are slowly sinking. This has been going on for over a month, which is way to long. If you hire extra help that would improve the stress level that all lot of the employee’s feel. If the employees did not feel stressed they would do better at their jobs which would increase company morale. Thank you for allowing the time to talk to you regarding these important issues. If we all work together I believe that DMD will be here for another 50 years.
*There should be only one period after the word "office."
*Comma needed after "clients come in"
*Spelling problem -- "nonsense" (no hyphen needed)
*Spelling problem -- "teamwork" (always one word)
*4th sentence is really a run-on
*This doesn't make sense: "I being that Larry's assistant already requires over time make you can offer her a three day week eight hour shift position."
*Spelling/usage problem -- "employees" (plural -- doesn't need an apostrophe because it's not possessive) [However, "employees'" in the last sentence is a correct form -- plural possessive.]
*Several commas are needed for the 3rd reason given here: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
*Go through and find similar problems to those mentioned above.