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English Improving writing

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please check this for me this what I have so far thanks for all of your help

Brain Storming revised
Paragraph 1
The problem is Jack and Rachel often have nothing to do
Bonnie and Molly are working extra and have to work over time
Melanie and Jessica share an administrative assistant
Larry's assistant only works 15 hours
The company is not working as well as it can
There is friction between the staff Bonnie and Molly feel that they are not being treat fairly

Paragraph 2
Jack and Rachel could help out the Bonnie and Molly so they do not have to work over time
Try and split the work more evenly
Maybe get rid of Larry’s assistant who works only 15 hours
Is Larry’s assistant willing to work more than 15 hours per week
The administrative assistant can maybe do less of Melanie and Jessica’s work
We have 125 people in our company train a few people in the other office so they can help out
Have the full time administrative assistant help out Samuel and Frank Daly who have no assistant
Others solutions that I considered but discarded include the following. Hiring a few people from Tina’s temp agency but that would only be a quick fix. Cut back on employees paid time off but that may cause the employee to not work as hard as they can.

Paragraph 3
I have many years working with the public
been at the company for a long time
the uneven productivity has a bad impact on the company
may lose clients if problem is not fixed soon
giving the company a bad name
morale is getting low
company finances is slowly sinking
this problem has been going on for over a month
Hiring extra help in the long run will improve efficiency
if the employees do not feel stressed they will do better at their jobs which will increase company morale

I was wondering if you could please give me an idea how I could start my rough draft I don't want someone to do it for me I am just stuck on how I would start it thanks Do I write it like a letter I am not sure thanks again

  • English Improving writing -

    Well, I have another alternative that should be considered: Fire the supervisor. This situation should never have developed.

    Now on your sentence outline. It seems to be complete, but points need development. I suggest just start writing, often the flow of writing will answer many of your questions. Then, put it away for an hour or two, and revise it yourself.

    Post that and we will be happy to critique it.

  • English Improving writing -

    Bob Pursley is right -- just start writing. Don't worry about an introduction or conclusion. Just start turning these ideas into sentences and add explanation wherever it is needed.

    Then repost and we'll look at it.


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