Homework Help Forum: English writing a memo revised

Posted by Kaleigh-Anne on Friday, June 6, 2008 at 9:33am.

This is my revised Memo please look at it and let me know what you think thanks for all of your help TO: Sarah Thomas Executive Event Planner From: Kaliegh-Anne Peters Medical Office Assistant DATE: May 14, 2008 SUBJECT: Departmental Training Seminar I would like to take the time to thank for your continued help with our Hospital. As per our prior conversation I confirmed that DR Melanie Dobler will be our Guest Speaker for one Day Training Seminar on June 28, 2008. I glad to know that you were able to obtain "Truman" room. Which will easily accommodate the 40 people who will be attending? The following is a list of what I still need to confirm with you. At Travel arrangements DR Dobler is requesting that a mid-sized car with a/c pick her up at the JFK airport 11: am on June 28, 2008 Requisition items A computer and screen for our PowerPoint presentation. , 15 tables and 40 chairs 45 photocopies of our training manuals. Lunch We are having a causal lunch that includes five meat and cheese platters that we would like delivered at 12 noon from Donnas’ Deli. A variety of soft drinks bottled water is also needed. A dessert platter would be great to accommodate our two breaks Please feel free to call me at (518) 555-555 ext. 567 if you have any questions. Kaleigh-Anne Peters KAP

• English writing a memo revised - Writeacher, Friday, June 6, 2008 at 10:29am

  TO: Sarah Thomas<~~add comma Executive Event Planner From: Kaliegh-Anne Peters<~~add comma Medical Office Assistant DATE: May 14, 2008 SUBJECT: Departmental Training Seminar Thank you for your continued help with our hospital training program. As per<~~Get rid of "As per" -- very stilted - and insert "From" our prior conversation<~~add comma I am confirming that Dr. Melanie Dobler will be our Guest Speaker<~~lower-case g and s, not capital letters for the one-day training seminar on June 28, 2008. I glad to know that you have been able to obtain "Truman"<~~delete the quotation marks; capitalize the R on "Room"~~> room. Which<~~delete period after "Room" and add a comma; lower-case w on "which" (this will correct your fragment) will easily accommodate the 40 people who will be attending?<~~why the question mark; should be just a period The following is a list of what I still need to confirm with you. At <~~?? Travel arrangements<~~add colon Dr. Dobler is requesting that a mid-sized car with a/c pick her up<~~this produced a strange image; a car is going to pick her up? or will she pick up a car? or will someone from the company or car agency pick her up? at the JFK airport 11:<~~delete the colon unless you plan to add two zeroes after it am on June 28, 2008<~~add period at the end of a sentence Requisition items<~~add colon A computer and screen for our PowerPoint presentation. , <~~delete period and comma 15 tables and 40 chairs 45 photocopies of our training manuals. <~~delete period Lunch<~~add colon We are having a causal lunch that includes five meat and cheese platters that we would like delivered at 12 noon from Donnas’ Deli.<~~How can you rephrase that sentence so that there aren't two that's in there? A variety of soft drinks and bottled water are also needed. A dessert platter would be great to accommodate our two breaks<~~add period Please feel free to call me at (518) 555-555<~~add a 4th number here and then a comma ext. 567<~~add comma if you have any questions. Kaleigh-Anne Peters KAP

  
  

• English writing a memo revised - Writeacher, Friday, June 6, 2008 at 11:35am

  Your "I glad to know" reads funny. Can you fix it? ??

  
  

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