Posted by Kaleigh-Anne on Thursday, June 5, 2008 at 2:41pm.
I am writing on behalf of Mr. Smith, my boss, to set up a meeting with you for lunch next Wednesday at 2:00 PM at the King Charles Hotel on River Street.
Accompanying Mr. Smith will be his assistant manager, Rory Wester who will share an idea that he has for a new project. Please respond as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
Kaleigh-Anne Peters
Good job consolidating the wording, Anonymous! Business emails should be as concise as possible, with the absolutely most important informtion in the first sentence. Sometimes that's as much as businesspeople have time to read.
Yes, you should also have a subject line, and sometimes that subject line content determines if the email will be read at all. Make sure it's concise and accurate.
I agree with Writeacher that Anonymous did a good job of consolidating the wording. However, the instructions require 6 to 10 sentences, and that revision only has 3 sentences. I tried, though to stretch it out -- but still could only come up with 4 sentences. Perhaps you could make up some details about the project.
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