Posted by Kinza on Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 7:12pm.
it is a litle sad but still good
thanks!
I actually had to make a poem and i made this as a last minute but since it was a pretty big grade,so i had to have someone review it :)
ok np :D
First line I would delete "bright"... it means the same thing as sunny and it has too many syllables.
In the second line I oule delete "out", to match the beat of the first line.
In the third line, I would change murderer to " my fate". Fate could be anything... and would make the poem more interesting.
Fourth line, delete "and"
Fifth line delete "away" , that is redundant.
The last two line will work fine!!! Good idea.
ooohh thanks alot!!
i will definitely take all that advice :D
thanks again!!!! you don't realize how you've saved my grade!!
On a sunny day,
In the open street
I saw my fate,
our eyes did meet
I tried to run
but my fear gave away
And sadly I admit,
that was my last day
sound better with your advice?
i definitely think so
Very nice revisions, GuruBlue. (: Yes, much better, Kinza. I especially like how you changed murderer to my fate.
Related Questions
Language Arts - Need some help on the 2 sentences below. 1. Are you tired of ...
Language (gerunds) - Fielding a pop fly on a sunny day can be a tricky play. I&#...
Physics - On a bright sunny day, the irradiance on the surface of the ocean is 1...
language - i did a tercet poem. can you please tell me if its a good poem please...
Language Arts/Poetry - In the poem "Parade" by Rachel Field, what ...
Language Arts - Compare the Poem "If I can stop one heart from breaking&...
Physics - On a bright sunny day the irradiance on the surface of the ocean is 1....
Language arts - In Richard Brautigan's poem "All Watched Over by ...
English - I really need your help to rephrase the poem "Preludes" by T...
language arts - does anybody know a poem that holds the theme of obsession?
For Further Reading
