it is a litle sad but still good
I actually had to make a poem and i made this as a last minute but since it was a pretty big grade,so i had to have someone review it :)
ok np :D
First line I would delete "bright"... it means the same thing as sunny and it has too many syllables.
In the second line I oule delete "out", to match the beat of the first line.
In the third line, I would change murderer to " my fate". Fate could be anything... and would make the poem more interesting.
Fourth line, delete "and"
Fifth line delete "away" , that is redundant.
The last two line will work fine!!! Good idea.
ooohh thanks alot!!
i will definitely take all that advice :D
thanks again!!!! you don't realize how you've saved my grade!!
On a sunny day,
In the open street
I saw my fate,
our eyes did meet
I tried to run
but my fear gave away
And sadly I admit,
that was my last day
sound better with your advice?
i definitely think so
Very nice revisions, GuruBlue. (: Yes, much better, Kinza. I especially like how you changed murderer to my fate.
Answer this Question
Poem - I wrote this poem is this a good title? Tribute to a Soldier Our eyes see...
Urgent 8th Grade Language Arts - How is the word street used in the sentence ...
Language Arts - Need some help on the 2 sentences below. 1. Are you tired of ...
language arts - Which sentence is punctuated correctly? A) My grandmother is a ...
Language Arts - Scott's Good-bye We saw the months of wicked weather, As day to ...
Language (gerunds) - Fielding a pop fly on a sunny day can be a tricky play. I'm...
Physics - On a bright sunny day, the irradiance on the surface of the ocean is 1...
language - i did a tercet poem. can you please tell me if its a good poem please...
Language Arts/Poetry - In the poem "Parade" by Rachel Field, what details in the...
Lockers - I'm starting middle school and during the orientation they let us try ...