Posted by Christi on Monday, April 21, 2008 at 2:50am.
Hello can you please proof read. The following is a paragraph from a paper I am writing on Baluchistan. Thank you so much.
Nonetheless, because of government repression of nationalistic aspirations, the exclusion of provincial authorities and local population from decisions on major regional projects has sparked the tensions that have led to arms conflict between the Pakistani Government and Baluch regime. In January 2005, military operation was carried out to suppress the armed protests by the tribal militias, consisting mainly of tribesmen following the gang rape of a female doctor by army officers (Freedom House). However, the Baluchistan crisis intensified after Pakistan government launched military operations in December 2005, following firing of eight rockets at the parliamentary base, during President Mushraff’s visit in the area (Freedom House). By mid June 2006, an estimated 400 to 500 innocent Baloch people were reportedly killed in the army operations including air raids in Baluchistan, especially in Marri and Bugti areas. About 80 to 82% of those either killed or injured were women and children (Freedom House). In addition, the fighting caused a lot of damage to buildings, and 85% of people of Dera Bugti were forced to flee the town. Furthermore, the killing of the elderly Baluchistan tribal leader, Nawab Akbar Khan Bugti by the army in August 2006 triggered violent riots and strikes, inflaming Baluchi nationalist feelings a lot further (Freedom House).
- English/please revise - Writeacher, Monday, April 21, 2008 at 10:34am
It reads fine. The only change I'd make are some punctuation things.
mid-June
80%-82%
Two additional commas in here: "...leader, Nawab Akbar Khan Bugti, by the army in August 2006, triggered..."
All is very formal until the last couple of words. How can you rephrase to get rid of "a lot"?
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