Homework Help: English/please revise

Posted by Christi on Saturday, April 12, 2008 at 11:43am.

Hello, this is my intro for a paper on Balochistan. I am concern about not being the clear. Can you please make suggestions. Thanx.

Iran and Pakistan are not a single nation state but a multi-national state composed of many nations. Both are governed with a doctorial political structure that has denied the subordinate nations the right to share political power. In recent years, subordinate nations are gaining more force and are becoming more organized and unified against the domination of the Iranian and Pakistani chauvinistic regimes. They are growing into armed resistance, especially the Balochistan nation (Boladai 2007)

English/please revise - Writeacher, Saturday, April 12, 2008 at 12:00pm
I looked up Balochistan, because I've never heard of it as a nation before, and this is what I found:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balochistan

Please read carefully, and then revise your paragraph. Then repost.
English/please revise - PsyDAG, Saturday, April 12, 2008 at 12:06pm
It is clear. However, unless your source uses the term, "nation," you might want to use another term for the subunits. Consult your thesaurus.

The situation reminds me of the struggle over states' rights that was part of the American Civil War.

I hope this helps. Thanks for asking.

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