Hello, this is my intro for a paper on Balochistan. I am concern about not being the clear. Can you please make suggestions. Thanx.
Iran and Pakistan are not a single nation state but a multi-national state composed of many nations. Both are governed with a doctorial political structure that has denied the subordinate nations the right to share political power. In recent years, subordinate nations are gaining more force and are becoming more organized and unified against the domination of the Iranian and Pakistani chauvinistic regimes. They are growing into armed resistance, especially the Balochistan nation (Boladai 2007)
I looked up Balochistan, because I've never heard of it as a nation before, and this is what I found:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balochistan
Please read carefully, and then revise your paragraph. Then repost.
It is clear. However, unless your source uses the term, "nation," you might want to use another term for the subunits. Consult your thesaurus.
The situation reminds me of the struggle over states' rights that was part of the American Civil War.
I hope this helps. Thanks for asking.
Your introduction provides a good starting point for your paper on Balochistan. However, there are a few suggestions that can help make your points clearer and more effective. Here is a revised version of your introduction with some suggestions:
"Iran and Pakistan are characterized as multi-national states, representing various nations within their borders. However, the political structures of both countries have traditionally denied these subordinate nations their rightful share of political power. In recent years, there has been a growing momentum among these subordinate nations to assert themselves and challenge the dominance of the chauvinistic Iranian and Pakistani regimes. Notably, the Balochistan nation has emerged as a significant force, demonstrating both unity and organized resistance against this domination (Boladai, 2007)."
Suggestions for improvement:
1. Clarify the term "multi-national state": The concept of a "multi-national state" may not be familiar to all readers. You could briefly define it as a state composed of multiple nations or ethnic groups.
2. Specify the nature of the political power denial: Expand on how the subordinate nations are denied their right to share political power. Provide specific examples or policies that illustrate this denial.
3. Emphasize armed resistance: Since you mention the Balochistan nation's armed resistance, you could elaborate on the reasons behind their choice of armed resistance and the tactics they employ.
4. Provide more context: Briefly explain the historical and socio-political background of Balochistan to help readers understand the significance of the situation and the relevance of your study.
Remember, these suggestions aim to improve clarity and effectiveness. Make sure your introduction sets up your paper's main arguments and provides a clear framework for the rest of your work. Good luck with your paper!