any ideas to improve this poem? its a first draft so not very good.
My life line,
Is speeding down a roller coaster track,
Loops and turns,
Gliding over the city,
Not a worry in the world.
It takes me away from this small town.
Where it is either extremely hot,
Or frostbite cold.
So many restrictions,
Always being told what to do.
We do the same thing every day,
Never something different.
It takes me to a big city,
New place and new people.
Always a surprise.
Everybody is accepted there,
Everybody is different.
You never second guess,
Never regret,
And always live life to the fullest.
I'm not a good poet, but I really like your poem. :-)
Does anybody have any more things that i could change or improve on??? Thanks so much Ms. Sue!!
You're very welcome. The only thing I've thought of is to pick up the roller coaster metaphor at the end of the poem.
It's great that you're seeking to improve your poem! Here are a few suggestions to enhance it:
1. Add sensory details: Utilize vivid imagery to help the reader visualize and experience the roller coaster ride, the city, and the small town. Use expressive language to emphasize the contrast between the two settings.
2. Explore emotions: Include more feelings or emotions associated with the experiences. How does the roller coaster ride make you feel? How does the new city make you feel? Capturing these emotions will add depth and connection to the poem.
3. Refine the structure: Consider incorporating a consistent rhyme scheme or pattern to create a smoother flow. Experiment with different line lengths and stanza breaks to enhance the overall structure and rhythm of the poem.
4. Enhance the poem's central theme: Reflect on the underlying message you want to convey about your life's journey. Does it symbolize freedom, exploration, or self-discovery? Develop this theme further by including relevant details or metaphors throughout the poem.
Remember, poetry is subjective, so these suggestions are just a starting point. Use them as a guide, but ultimately trust your own creative instincts and personal voice to craft a poem that resonates with you.