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spell

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Ok Here is more of my essay. :)

There is an underlying problem that is promoting racism. It is the fact that a lot of people believe, and try to make themselves believe, that racism no longer exists. Many people today live their lives oblivious to what is happening in the world around them, often trying to convince themselves that racism is not a problem in their world. Others know all about the problem, but don’t really realize that they themselves could possibly be adding to the problem by discriminating against someone else’s human rights, and at the same time going around saying how open-minded they are.

One of the main problems of racism is that many people live in racist conditions, without even seeing it. Oftentimes its in their school, workplace, community, or even in their own homes. People often tell jokes with racist slurs, and while we know not to laugh at ones about blacks, it seems that ones about other races like Chinese and Hispanic are okay. We tell ourselves that they are just jokes, but not to those who they are ridiculing. We are all perpetrators of this and we usually feel that these types of jokes are harmless. They can be harmless and maybe at times we even think they are funny, but they are also hurtful and degrading. Some of the biggest racists are those who don’t even know that they are, and even say that they aren’t. These people are racist because they cannot comprehend what is happening and do not realize what they are saying is racist. Until they come to grips with this problem, in their minds there is no problem. They say that they are not racist, even when they don’t hire the East Indian employee who was the most qualified of the candidates, even when the athletic team they coach consists of all white athletes.

Often times these people feel that just because a person is a certain color or race, that they must be a thief or a criminal. This is very typical in today’s society and no one deserves to be prejudged like that. The prejudice of people in the world is disgusting. The worst part of it all is that they don’t even know that they are doing it, often thinking that it is just normal behavior. There are people that don’t realize that they are racist and then there are those people who are ignorant and unaware of racism in the world. They walk down the streets, through the stores and working at their job, completely oblivious. We don’t see what is happening around us because we don’t want to see it. If you take someone and put them in the heart of a racist area, would they notice the problems then or would they still deny or overlook the fact of racism? Those people who do not see that racism is a problem are almost as bad as the racists themselves. This is not to be taken in the wrong way; some people who ignore racism are those people who are trying to push racism out of their own lives and out of the world. However, as long as we have people who are unaware of the problem, it will continue to thrive.

Please Feel Free, to say what you like about this essay. :)

  • spell - ,

    Are you certain you are writing on racism? Or bigotry? Racism is just a minor part of bigotry. Protestants vs Catholics, White against Black, Homosexual vs Heterosexual, Male vs Female, Jews vs Gentile, Ivy League vs state college....and many other examples are examples of bigotry.
    Otherwise, you made some nice points. Never forget, many nonracists are bigots in other senses; they have the same roots and prey on the same emotional machinery.

  • spell - ,

    An underlying problem that is promoting racism is that a lot of people believe, or try to make themselves believe, that racism no longer exists. Many people today live their lives oblivious to what is happening in the world around them, often trying to convince themselves that racism is not a problem in their world. Others know all about the problem, but don’t really<~~delete this word; it's redundant (same root as in "realize") realize that they themselves could possibly<~~delete "possibly" - it's redundant (same meaning as "could") be adding to the problem by discriminating against someone else’s human rights,<~~delete comma and<~~add comma at the same time<~~add comma going around saying how open-minded they are. There are lots of "they" uses in this paragraph and the rest of the paper. The antecedent seems to be "many people" but the generalization you are making needs to be lessened if you can. How else can you rephrase so it doesn't sound as if "they" really means everyone in the country??

    One of the main problems of racism is that many people<~~?? live in racist conditions,<~~delete comma without even seeing it<~~vague "it" - what's the antecedent?. Often it's in their school, workplace, community, or even in their own homes. People often tell jokes with racist slurs, and while we know not to laugh at jokes about blacks, it seems that jokes about other races and ethnicities like Chinese and Hispanic are okay. We tell ourselves that they are just jokes, but not to those who they are ridiculing.<~~Awkward phrasing; how can you make it smoother? We are all<~~?? perpetrators of this<~~add comma and we usually feel that these types of jokes are harmless.<~~ALL of us feel that ALL JOKES are HARMLESS??? They can be harmless<~~add comma and maybe at times we even think they are funny, but they are also hurtful and degrading. Some of the biggest racists are those who don’t even know that they are, and even say that they aren’t. These people are racist because they cannot comprehend what is happening<~~"cannot comprehend what is happening" - what?? Every single person? Be very careful of these generalizations! and do not realize what they are saying is racist. Until they come to grips with this problem, in their minds there is no problem. They say that they are not racist, even when they don’t hire the East Indian employee who was the most qualified of the candidates, even when the athletic team they coach consists of all white athletes.

    Often times these people feel that just because a person is a certain color or race, that they must be a thief or a criminal. This is very typical in today’s society and no one deserves to be prejudged like that. The prejudice of people in the world is disgusting. The worst part of it all is that they don’t even know that they are doing it, often thinking that it is just normal behavior. There are people that don’t realize that they are racist and then there are those people who are ignorant and unaware of racism in the world. They walk down the streets, through the stores and working at their job, completely oblivious. We don’t see what is happening around us because we don’t want to see it. If you take someone and put them in the heart of a racist area, would they notice the problems then or would they still deny or overlook the fact of racism? Those people who do not see that racism is a problem are almost as bad as the racists themselves. This is not to be taken in the wrong way; some people who ignore racism are those people who are trying to push racism out of their own lives and out of the world. However, as long as we have people who are unaware of the problem, it will continue to thrive.

    Please get rid of these sweeping generalizations and revise -- and then repost.

    Thanks.

  • spell - ,

    Ok, Thank You. I will revise and post again. One question though. Do you think that this is a 8th grade level paper?

    Thank You Again,

    Walker

  • spell - ,

    Yes, it's definitely very good for 8th grade level. Just learn how to refer to groups of people without those generalizations!

    One other thing I see is at least one instance of the word "we." It's first person, plural, but the rest of the paper is in third person plural. You need to be consistent -- ALL third person.

    =)

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