Posted by Manny to ANYONE on Tuesday, January 29, 2008 at 3:56am.
A. I am currently working at Mohegan Sun as a Wardrobe Attendant. If Mohegan Sun is a newspaper, be sure to put those two words in italics; if it's something else, then all is fine.
A. I am looking for law enforcement and/or administration type positions in the criminal justice field (e.g., police officer, detective, FBI agent)
Delete "type" and put a period after the closing parenthesis at the end.
A. I am not looking for becoming a parole officer, correctional officer, and security officer in the criminal justice field or other type positions outside the criminal justice field.
Delete "becoming a" and insert "positions as" -- delete "type"
A. I am looking for an entry level to mid level experience in the criminal justice field. I would like to believe that with my various qualifications I am eligible for supervisory positions; however, I do not have sufficient work related experience to show that I can handle what I am looking for.
"entry-level" and "mid-level" need to be hyphenated; delete "would like to" -- otherwise, it's OK.
A. I have looked in the state of Connecticut (e.g., Norwich) and in other states, but have not made a final decision as far as what state in particular. For the time being, I would like to see if there are positions in CT that I am interested in before looking in another state.
First sentence is wordy. Write: "I have looked in Connecticut and other states, but have not decided on any particular state. My preference is to find a job in Connecticut.
A. I am willing to commute as far as 30 minutes from where I reside once I purchase a car of my own. Therefore, Norwich will be my primary option as far as job openings at this point.
Rather than "I am willing" it'd be better to write "I will be able..." You also might reverse those sentences if you don't own a car now. Like this: "Norwich, CT, is my primary option at this point, but I will be able to ... "
Think on those a bit; I'll be back in a little while to finish these.
A. I am looking for a salary that is greater than what I earn at Mohegan Sun ($ 09.73 per hour) and consistent with my training, education, and other qualifications I have. Perhaps, in the $ 20.00 + mark.
Again, italics for "Mohegan Sun" if it's a newspaper; otherwise, it's OK. Delete the space between $ and 9. Delete the last sentence.
A. I have passed the Regional Entry Examination for Police Officer in the state of CT.<~~note the deleted words I am currently applying for positions in several police departments. I did not qualify for Police Officer in Groton, CT<~~add comma because I did not pass the oral examination. I was unable to attend the oral examination for New London, CT because I was on vacation and now have to wait until their next Police Officer selection process date. I had an oral examination for Willimantic, CT last week and am waiting for an acceptance letter if I am qualified. What is this section for? Generally, you should omit all negatives such as what you have written here; those can be explained during an interview, if asked.
A. I have had interviews for Police Officer positions in Groton, CT (which I did not pass) and Willimantic, CT (which I am waiting to see if I passed). Add a comma after "pass)" -- the last comment in parentheses is awkward; better to say this: "Willimantic, CT, the result of which is pending." (no parentheses there)
Let me know if you have questions.
Looks great! Thank you for your help.
You're very welcome!
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