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Posted by on Sunday, January 27, 2008 at 5:36pm.

please read this poem and tell me how I can inprove it. Thanks!

Where have you been
I almost forgot you
Its been a year or so
Since I’ve seen you last
Why did you have to come back
I was trying to forget you
And forget what you did
Why bring back the bad memories
Can’t you just leave now
Like you did before
So I can try to forget you again
Isn’t it obvious I want you gone
This time when you leave
I want it to be for good
I don’t want to see you again
Just leave now
Just leave before I fall for you
Before I start in that terrible cycle again
I don’t want to be with you ever
So as you leave this time
And walk out that door
Don’t look back
Because I’ll have already gone

  • Poetry - , Sunday, January 27, 2008 at 5:50pm

    Other than (perhaps) put in some punctuation... I think it is super.
    Regarding punctuation... I think I would use dashes or a series of dots. instead of commmas or semi-colons... Just put a period at the end. The dashes/dots indicate (to me) a continuing thought...musing....

  • Poetry - , Sunday, January 27, 2008 at 5:53pm

    Like this??

    Where have you been,
    I almost forgot you.
    Its been a year or so,
    Since I’ve seen you last.
    Why did you have to come back.
    I was trying to forget you
    And forget what you did.
    Why bring back the bad memories.
    Can’t you just leave now,
    Like you did before.
    So I can try to forget you again.
    Isn’t it obvious I want you gone?
    This time when you leave,
    I want it to be for good.
    I don’t want to see you again,
    Just leave now.
    Just leave before I fall for you.
    Before I start in that terrible cycle again.
    I don’t want to be with you ever.
    So as you leave this time,
    And walk out that door.
    Don’t look back,
    Because I’ll have already gone.

  • Poetry - , Sunday, January 27, 2008 at 7:34pm

    Where have you been.....
    I almost forgot you.
    Its been a year or so
    Since I’ve seen you last.
    Why did you have to come back?
    I was trying to forget you
    And forget what you did.
    Why bring back the bad memories...
    Can’t you just leave now
    Like you did before...
    So I can try to forget you again.
    Isn’t it obvious I want you gone?
    This time when you leave
    I want it to be for good.
    I don’t want to see you again.
    Just leave now.
    Just leave before I fall for you...
    Before I start in that terrible cycle again.
    I don’t want to be with you ever.
    So as you leave this time
    And walk out that door,
    Don’t look back.
    I will have already gone.

  • Poetry - , Sunday, January 27, 2008 at 8:21pm

    Thanks! :P

  • Poetry - , Monday, January 28, 2008 at 3:36pm

    Welcome entirely =)

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