Posted by Abril on Saturday, January 5, 2008 at 7:32pm.
I read the stories about her
I discover her dark past
Some things are hard to believe
To know what she has been through
All the challanges she has faced
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never seen her before
I don’t know what to say
Now that I know what I know
This part reads better, smoother than before.
What do you think of the poem? How can I make it better?
I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say <~~how can you shorten this line?
As I stare at the screen
I think about what I should say
My mind draws a blank
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said
Other than that one line, it reads pretty well. And the message is very clear. The only other thing I could suggest is to go through and put in some punctuation; sometimes that helps to smoothe things out, too.
I read the stories about her
I discover her dark past
Some things are hard to believe
To know what she has been through
All the challanges she has faced
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never seen her before
I don’t know what to say
Now that I know what I know
I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say
As I stare at the screen
I think about what I should say
My mind draws a blank
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said
I read the stories about her
I discover her dark past
Some things are hard to believe
To know what she has been through
All the challanges she has faced
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never seen her before
I don’t know what to say
Now that I know what I know
I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel I need to be careful about my words
As I stare at the screen
I think about what I should say
My mind draws a blank
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said
Better and better!
One spelling error -- challenges
=)
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