Posted by Abril on Friday, January 4, 2008 at 1:35am.
The message is good and clear, and I like it!
There are places where the wording doesn't "flow" smoothly, though. Consider this rephrasing for your second line: I discover her dark past.
By changing "find out about" to "discover," the rhythm of the words is changed, shortened, smoother, and fits better with the lines above and below this one.
Now find the other places where the wording is 'choppy' and try to smoothe it out. Then repost.
=)
I read the stories about her
I discover her dark past
Some things are hard to believe
To know what she has been through
All the challanges she has faced
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never seen her before
I don’t know what to say
Now that I know what I know
I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say
As I stare at the screen
I think about what I should say
My mind draws a blank
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said
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