world history// suggestions for essay
posted by Anonymous .
Please provide me suggestions for the Change over Time Essay, or Changes and Continuities Essay. Below is a rubric. Provide me tips on what to improve, expand, etc. Feel free to provide me some examples or give me topics/subjects to elaborate on.
The prompt is:
From 600-1450, many trade systems developed that connected regions within Afro-Eurasia. Historians argue that several political, social, and economic events caused changes in the trading systems, but they debate which events affected global trade systems the most. [[ANALYZE]] how the spread of religions and the expansion of post-classical empires affected trade systems from 600-1450.
Trade systems from the post-classical period of 600-1450 had a profound influence from the accrue events of political, social, and economic within Afro-Eurasia. Changes from the empire and events, specifically migrations and conquests, which pertains to the political aspect were able to thrive due to the effective powerhouses and the implementations of the conquerors of that time. On the other hand, economically speaking, trading was extensive to the point where from antiquity to now continue to keep growing. To better understand the changes of the trade networks, one must first comprehend the background information prior to the trade systems.
With Ghana and Mali empires that were thrived with wealth specifically from the plentiful amount of gold, migrations, and conquests, trading was more common than ever. Because Mali was a commercial site that was a center for trade in gold, it immediately thrived with prospect, and communications from near and far were customary. In addition, the Mongols conquered China; though, they were seen as savage, these people were able to make trading more effective by preventing bandits from entering the Silk Roads. The Mongols made trading easier and safer; thus, merchants and consumers were both engaged in the act of trading and exchanging goods and products. As a result, trading was greater than before. Furthermore, the Bantu migrations caused a large number of people to roam elsewhere, and they soon were active in swapping over goods with one another. However, over time, the empires were set to decline, and this may be a result of the peoples’ divided loyalty to separate kings rather than to states. Moreover, empires of the Mongols were declining partially because of the raids and of the rulers.
Still, economically speaking, expansion of Silk Roads, trans-Saharan routes, and Indian Ocean routes, paper money, and lateen sails were momentous factors that led to trading activities. With accessible routes that deem to be safe, it highly piqued explorers to engage in explorations and voyages. The technology of the lateen sails, which permitted ships to travel in any path in spite of the wind direction, whetted explorer’s curiosity. Thus, it caused numerous explorations, and through these events, trading with other exotic goods or from other foreign locations seemed to be ordinary. As of Ibn Battuta, he wanted to spread the belief of Islam. Through explorations, the pious individual was able to carry products and his faith along the waters to share with others, which was his central motive. The paper money did not increase trade; however, it did made trading much more efficient simply because the currency was light and compact enough to carry around. The usage of trade routes and commercial relations continued to grow, since it helped balanced the economy. The maritime trade in the Indian Ocean and the trans-Saharan routes introduced regions, on a completely new level, to trading involvement with the hemispheric network.
Similarly to the political feature, social changes of diseases and structure trading networks of the post-classical period. The Black Death, or the bubonic plague, was brought by the means of trade. It affected luxury and caused labor shortages. Thus, labor was in high demand, since it was significant to keep the economy running. However, powers were not balanced equality in part of the economic and political conditions caused by the Heian era. Cultivation and income rights were strained from the lower class who must obey their lords or the people in charge. As a result, trading was used sporadically compared to the activities that occurred in the empires of Ghana or Mali. Although, there was greater resistance to diseases, trading was impacted by the changes that revolved around this time period.
SCORING RUBRIC (*NOTE ANY FEATURES I MISSED OR DID NOT FULLY DISCUSS)
1. Has acceptable thesis
(Addresses the global issues and the time period specifiied)
2. Addresses all parts of the question, though not necesarily evenly or thoroughly
3. Susbtantiates thesis with appropriate historical eveidence
4. Uses releveant world historial context effectively to explain change over time and/or continuity
5. Analyzes the process of change over time and/or continuity
Trade systems from the post-classical period of 600-1450 had a profound influence from the accrue events of political, social, and economic within Afro-Eurasia. Changes from the empire and events, specifically migrations and conquests, which pertains to the political aspect were able to thrive due to the effective powerhouses and the implementations of the conquerors of that time. On the other hand, economically speaking, trading was extensive to the point where from antiquity to now continue to keep growing. To better understand the changes of the trade networks, one must first comprehend the background information prior to the trade systems. Thesis statement seems fine, but the intro is upside down, IMO. http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/intro.html and http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/intros.htm There is also no "hook" or interest grabber in that paragraph. Check on proper word use; for example, "accrue" is a verb, but you've used it as an adjective -- doesn't make sense. http://www.answers.com/accrue?cat=biz-fin Check on misused phrases: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/plague.htm (See #7, for one.) Check on subject-verb agreement: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sv_agr.htm Check on the use of "where" when it doesn't refer to a place.
Take care of these things and make your intro better; then check through the rest of your paper for similar problems. When you've corrected the errors, please repost.
Additional ideas for proofreading:
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