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Dreams Are Taken Away
It was a tough day on September 30, 2002 with a crowd of high school students carrying posters and signs marching in the middle of the street. None of them were happy at all. "Governor Davis id throwing awat our future with his unfair High School Exit Exam," said Rosa De Leon, a students from Overfelt High School in San Jose, CA. In the article "Don't Trash Our Futures" by CFJ Student Leaders, the High School Exit Exam is a test that throws the students' dreams away. It only allows the wealthy and the kids who spoke English as their first langauge to have a dream. The High School Exit Exam is an unfair test toward students who speak Ebglish as their sceond language. <~~In this paragraph, please check for comma uses, spelling (be sure to pay attention to the spell checker in your word processing program), singular/plural noun form, verb tense consistency, use of correct prepositions. Iím adding links below to some websites to help with these specific issues.
Non native speakers learning a different langauge are at a disadvantaged and have a harder time passing the exam. ESL students are struggling with the English portion because of their low reading and writing skills. Many of them are new to the country and they cannot learn how to read or write in a month. The High School Exit Exam is an unfair test for ESL students because foriegn students cannot be expected to learn English in a very little time.
"Seventeen and 18-year-olds should not be handed diplomas. Diplomas are earned with hard work; they should not not be awarded just for showing up to class." said Jack O'Connell, California State Superintended. ESL students are more dedicated to their education. They do the same or more work and should be rewarded for their effort. Many American students take education as granted, but the ESL students do not. Taking time to come to class is important not just because of perfect attendance, but important one's education. Students need their diplomas to get a job. In the country where they came from, only the wealthy can go to school and the poor has to work out on the feild or in the factory. In the United States, everyone has the right to go to school whether he or she is rich or poor. They value their education because it is important. Personally, I went through the same experience, because I am an ESL students myself. I came from an unwealthy family. My parents had work out on the feild to earn money for my education. I failed the English portion of the High School Exit Exam with 345 points. I thought I was stupid because I failed the test, however I passed it the second time. <~~In this paragraph, check on use of hyphens, spelling, adjective vs noun form needed, comma uses, paragraph divisions, completion of comparisons, missing words, consistence in singular/plural references, subject/verb agreement, redundant wording, word choice, run-on sentence.
In the article "CAHSEE At A Glance," stated that "Other option are available to these students, including attending adult school or a community college to obtain a diploma or taking the General Educational Development test to receive a GED." Some ESL students are not able to continue education beyond high school for financial reasons. In California, the law says that if a student turn 18 years old, he or she is considered as an adult and must go work to support him or herself. They cannot go work at a place that pays well because they do not have a diploma.If they use their money to pay for their education, then they will not have any money left to support themselves. <~~In this paragraph, check on lack of a subject for a verb, singular/plural noun form, subject/verb agreement, extra (unneeded) words, space after a period.
President Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act in 2002. This was to help students who were struggling in school. If this Act was passed, then why should foreign students who are new to the country be left behind, while others who are already in the country have the right to move forward. Everyone has a right in this country to graduate from High School as long as he or she meets the A-G requirement. The University is not going to look at the test for admission, they will just look at the grade which is what matter the most. <~~In this paragraph, check on the facts (high school graduation requirements are not identical to the A-G requirements for UC admission), singular/plural noun form, run-on sentence, subject/verb agreement.
The Exit Exam is not only a test that stops students from not recieving a diploma, but it also is an unfair test toward other backgrounds. Students who are new to the country cannot score as high as the students who already knows English. There is no chances for them to pass the test because they have not build up their vocabulary words or know how to write an essay. The High School Exit Exam has caused the students to drop out of high school because other people are not satisfied with what they got. <~~In this paragraph, check on use of double negative, spelling, word choice, subject/verb agreement, verb tense, vague pronoun reference.
If there are other items I mentioned that I haven't referred to in these links, please click on INDEX on the main page ( http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/ ) to choose the topic you need help with.
Once you are finished revising your paper, please repost, and someone here will review it again for you.
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Here are some additional links for you -- for the purpose of learning to proof your own work:
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if you want to chech your grammar use your microsoft word it will fix the grammar and your commas and your run on sentences.