Homework Help: please revise my two paragraphs of my essay

Posted by julie on Tuesday, October 30, 2007 at 11:30pm.

Nuclear power plants have been a controversy issue in our world for many years and it will continue to be so in the years to come. The issue of whether people should or shouldn’t accept power plants to be operated has been widely debated among communities, especially in San Luis Obispo, California. The Diablo canyon is a nuclear power plant generating electricity located near Avila Beach , which is ten miles within Cal Poly. The facility is built on 750 acres of land and is managed by Pacific Gas & Electric, PG&E. The Diablo Canyon Power Plant is an important issue to solve because power plants affect the health of many human beings such as, radiation, but they are also a source of energy everyone uses in everyday life. There are two different views that the community of SLO can take on this particular issue. People can choose to shut down the nuclear power plant and run out of energy or they can choose not to shut it down. Both sides of this issue have their own advantages and disadvantages. No matter what the negatives are of having nuclear power plants in the world, power plants are needed for daily life. I believe the Diablo Canyon Power Plant and as well as other nuclear power plants in the world should not be shut down.

One of the main reasons Diablo Canyon Power Plant should not be shut down is because it affects the students in Cal Poly. One of the places the power plant provides electricity and energy is to Cal Poly. Without lights in classrooms and labs, it will be very hard for students to read books or write in the dark. If life without lights at daytime is hard, then life at nighttime will be harder since there won’t be any lights on the streets to see where one is going on campus. It will also be very difficult for students living in the dorms, because they will have to walk through the halls and use bathrooms in the dark. Basically, in order to prevent all these problems, Diablo Canyon should not be shut down unless everyone plans to start carrying flashlights and a pack of batteries in their bag packs.

essay cont. - julie, Wednesday, October 31, 2007 at 1:07am
A common argument made against Diablo Canyon is its effect on people’s health and safety in the community. The purpose of Diablo Canyon and other power plants is to produce electricity and energy by fuel and heat. This heat is produced by using chemicals called uranium as a fuel to generate power. If the handling of uranium gets out of hand, then radiation leaks can occur. Power plants also produce radioactive gases during the process of making energy. If these gases such as carbon dioxide get mixed with the atmosphere, it can cause people to get ill and put their health at risk. This is why people are against power plants, but nevertheless if power plants are shut down because it risks the health of the community, then how are we supposed to live without electricity?

how can i write the last sentence better? i know it's a run on. i want to end the paragraph with a question as a transition to my next paragraph which includes my solution to this problem.

and don't worry, this in not my finalized paragraph. i plan on including statistics and other resources.
please revise my two paragraphs of my essay - Jim, Wednesday, October 31, 2007 at 6:53am
If this is a debate where your opponent can't heckle, don't use questions
please revise my two paragraphs of my essay - bobpursley, Wednesday, October 31, 2007 at 8:20am
The main problem I see with your essay is that it avoids the main issues, and focuses on trivia.

The main issues are
1) to generate power or not (which means to use power or not)
2) and if to generate, fossil or nuclear. (yes, a trivia amount can be geothermal, wind, and solar, but at a staggering cost).

On the first issue, you discussed Cal Poly students. Hmmmm. Do you really think anyone in the community cares about college students? Duracell would love your solution...batteries. Hospitals, schools, home air conditioning, refrigerators, all shut down. Whilst many advocate reduced power consumption, most favor that option for the other folks. You might mention the critical living issues without power.
A favorite California option for many years was to put the power plant in somebody else's state. That dog won't hunt these days for a number of reasons, you can research that problem.
Lastly, nuclear vs fossil. There are a number of challenges here: Safety, fuel availability, cost, and pollution. Where did you get the idea that Nuclear power plants emit radioactive carbon dioxide? Coal burning plants emit worldwide the carbon dioxide that is radioactive. You missed it there.
Safety of nuke plants is the argument, as arguments can be cloaked in heuristics, speculation, wishful thinking, and "what if" witchcraft. I recommend focus on debunking those popular myths, some are downright ludicrous. Some of the safety issues are important, and it emphasises the importance of active inspection by OUTSIDE agencies, in my opinion.
Now, your essay. It reads ok, even if I see it missing the point. The sentences are longer than necessary. Short sentences connect to the brain and stay attached. Long sentences can put the brain to sleep. Yes, that last sentence....

This is the stated reason of some who oppose nuclear energy. Nevertheless, power is needed, and nuclear is the best option here.
Does that read better? Notice sentence length.
I didn't check grammar, I am an engineer, and avoided learning that somehow.
Good luck.
please revise my two paragraphs of my essay - Writeacher, Wednesday, October 31, 2007 at 9:03am
Bob Pursley is right. One of the main issues in our country right now is to decrease the use of fossil fuels whether to power cars and trucks and planes or for electricity-producing power plants. Here are the results I found when I googled coal vs nuclear power:
http://www.google.com/search?q=coal+vs+nuclear+power&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7SUNA

And if you want to see the results of one particular type of coal mining continuing to happen in our country, look at these:
http://www.google.com/search?q=blowing+mountaintop&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7SUNA

And we all know what our country's dependence on oil has resulted in.

Rethinking looks to be the order of the day for you!

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