Posted by apoorva on Thursday, October 18, 2007 at 2:59am.
I notice you use pronouns loosely: everyone, people are common. Why are these used? Who else would gather, or collect wood, or smear ashes?
An example: ...On the next morning, the ashes are collected and smeared on the worshipers skin as an act of purification.
Or... One the day of the ritual, a great wood pile is stacked outside the temple entrance. Then, on the eve...
So what I am suggesting is to vary your description of everyone, and people. For readability, shorter sentences will help.
Otherwise, it is OK. I am not certain from this paragraph where you are going with the theme.
Bobpursley is right. You're using too many passive verbs when you need active verbs. For example:
One the day of the ritual, a great wood pile is stacked outside the temple entrance. <~~That's a passive voice verb I've underlined. Who stacked the wood? Sentences are much more interesting to read when the subject is actually DOING the action. Can you find the other passive verb sentences and fix them?
These websites give you more examples of passive and active voice usages -- to get you started.
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_actpass.html
http://www.lavc.cc.ca.us/WCweb/activepassive.html
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/passive.htm
http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/grammar/act-pass.htm
=)
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