Homework Help: my thesis and revise two paragraphs

Posted by apoorva on Wednesday, October 17, 2007 at 8:01pm.

my informative essay below include quotes. i asked my teacher if i have to write a reference of where i got them, but she said not to because she will know when she sees the quotation marks. anyways, here is the introduction i improvised and my second paragraph.

India is known as a land of diversity because of its many cultures and celebrations. One of my favorite festivals to celebrate is called Holi, which is a celebration of the victory of good over the evil. Holi is “an ancient East Indian Festival held at the time of the full moon in March” by the Hindus. The Holi festival is celebrated with various types of events that spread throughout the week, which include bonfires, dancing, and singing. This happy occasion is known as the Festival of Colors because it involves children, friends, and neighbors gathering on the streets together, and a riot of color takes over. Colored powders are thrown into air and are smeared on faces and bodies. While the colors associated with Holi are the main part of this celebration, the true reason of celebrating Holi is to keep the evil spirits away. Not only is Holi a joyous, colorful festival to celebrate with friends and family, but it is also meant to celebrate the death of winter and evil. The colors, however, used in this festival represent the arrival of spring.

The literal meaning of the word Holi is ‘burning.’ There are different types of legends and myths to define the meaning of this word, but it depends on which part of India one is from. I’m from southern India so we believe the legend of Holi revolves around a demon king, Hiranyakashyap. King Hiranyakashyp’s dream was to have everyone worship only him. However, his son, Prahlad was devoted to another king known as Lord Vishnu, the protector of those who love him. The king then ordered his sister, Holika, to kill his son by burning him in a fire. Holika had a gift which she can throw herself in fire, and come out without any damage. The fact that she was not aware of was that the gift only worked when she enters the fire alone. When she and Prahlad jumped in the fire together, Holika paid for her mistakes by burning to death, whereas Prahlad was saved by his protector, Lord Vishnu. The festival, therefore, celebrates the victory of good over evil.

please correct my grammer. and my thesis in my introduction is the last two sentences. does it make sense or should i come up with another way to reword it.

thank you for ur help

my thesis and revise two paragraphs - Writeacher, Wednesday, October 17, 2007 at 8:56pm
I'll work on this and get back to you within the hour.

=)
my thesis and revise two paragraphs - Writeacher, Wednesday, October 17, 2007 at 9:10pm
India is known as a land of diversity because of its many cultures and celebrations. One of my favorite festivals to celebrate is called Holi, which is a celebration of the victory of good over the evil. Holi is “an ancient East Indian Festival held at the time of the full moon in March” by the Hindus. The Holi festival is celebrated with various types of events that<~~delete “that” spread throughout the week, which include bonfires, dancing, and singing. This happy occasion is known as the Festival of Colors because it involves children, friends, and neighbors gathering on the streets together, and a riot of color takes over. Colored powders are thrown into air and are smeared on faces and bodies. While the colors associated with Holi are the main part of this celebration, the true reason of<~~change “of” to “for” celebrating Holi is to keep the evil spirits away. Not only is Holi a joyous, colorful festival to celebrate with friends and family, but it is also meant to celebrate the death of winter and evil. The colors, however, used in this festival represent the arrival of spring.

The literal meaning of the word Holi is ‘burning.’<~~use italics here instead of single quotes There are different types of<~~delete “types of” legends and myths to define the meaning of this word, but it<~~what is “it”? depends on which part of India one is from. I’m from southern India<~~add comma so we believe the legend of Holi revolves around a demon king, Hiranyakashyap, whose dream was to have everyone worship only him. However, his son, Prahlad<~~add comma was devoted to another king<~~add comma known as Lord Vishnu, the protector of those who love him. The king then ordered his sister, Holika, to kill his son by burning him in a fire. Holika had a gift which she can<~~use “could” not “can” to keep the tenses consistent throw herself in fire, <~~delete comma and come out without any damage. She, however, was not aware that the gift only worked when she enters<~~correct the verb tense the fire alone. When she and Prahlad jumped in the fire together, Holika paid for her mistakes by burning to death, whereas Prahlad was saved by his protector, Lord Vishnu. The festival, therefore, celebrates the victory of good over evil.

Your thesis is OK, but would be stronger if you could rephrase and put those ideas into ONE sentence.

Everything else looks good.

=)
- my thesis and revise two paragraphs repost - apoorva, Wednesday, October 17, 2007 at 10:50pm
  There are different legends and myths to define the meaning of this word, but the explanation of Holi depends on which part of India one is from.
  
  i fixed the second sentence from paragraph 2. is that better

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