posted by sarah on .
could you look over this for me? we are supposed to come up with a binary to compare two articles and then create something new (i did Christianity) to place in this binary. I want to make sure my intro is specific enough; doesn't "zoom" out to western culture as a whole and if christianity fits well into the essay. Thanks!
In today’s American society, people are constantly faced with unknown and unfamiliar cultures, such as Hinduism, Cuban, and Arabian. American’s expressions and reactions to these new cultures fall into the binary of what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. This binary can be examined in two articles, Los Intersticios: Recasting Moving Selves by Alsultany, and in OM’ Hinduism in American Pop Culture by Sarala Nagala. Behavior falling in the acceptable range of this binary entails attempting to relate with people in one’s culture and find common ground. This would allow one to create ties with others within their cultures and to study the culture to gain a better understanding. Behavior in the unacceptable range of this binary consists of people being close-minded and not understanding these foreign cultures (Hinduism, Cuban, Arabian). This would include forcing multicultural people to isolate and identify themselves with one culture, or to use cultural symbols disrespectfully, such as placing the Hindu goddess Laksmi on a shoe. Not everything falls neatly into these two categories though and many situations fall in the middle range of this binary, the gray area. An example of this binary can be seen with entertainers incorporating Christianity into their everyday lives. Some do this acceptably, promoting good messages in their songs and living respectful lives, while others act unacceptably, wearing a cross yet demonstrating immoral behavior such as doing drugs or vulgarly singing about sex and drugs. In today’s American culture, there is a binary of what is acceptable, or unacceptable; the way Americans interact with people form the Hindu, Cuban, Arabian, or Christian religion falls accordingly into this binary.
1. Your intro is too long, detailed, and repetitive.
2. The word "binary" is almost always used as an adjective not a noun.
3. I cannot find a straightforward thesis statement in here.
Please repost after you have rewritten your paragraph.