Posted by Gina on Thursday, October 11, 2007 at 8:18pm.
I'll work on this and get back to you shortly.
=)
The Battle of Vimy Ridge commenced at dawn on April 9, 1917, when all four divisions of the Canadian Corps attacked Vimy Ridge above the Douai Plain in France. The Commander of the Canadian Corps was Lieutenant-General Sir Julian Byng.
The objective of The Battle of Vimy Ridge was to shove the Germans out of France. Vimy Ridge was a significant asset<~~in what way(s)? to the German defense system, and preceding attacks by the French and British had failed.
In preparation for The Battle of Vimy Ridge, the Canadians had constructed miles of tunnels through which troops could pass in preparation for the opening of the assault without coming under artillery fire. Aerial investigation gave accurate information of German movements.
On April 9, 1917<~~add comma the Canadian 1st Division, under Arthur Currie, had been victorious in capturing Germany’s front and second line in roughly an hour. After the ridge was taken, it was an unambiguous win for the Canadians. The ridge remained in Allied hands for the rest of the war.
The Canadian accomplishment in capturing Vimy Ridge was successful because of careful planning and systematic training, as well as the impressive fighting skills and dedication of the Canadian Corps. However, this battle did not come without price: 10,602 Canadians were wounded during the attack, and 3,598 killed.<~~Sentences should not begin with numerals. How can you rephrase the sentence after the colon so that numerals are not the first "word"?
At Vimy Ridge, the Canadian Corps had gained more ground than during any previous British attacks in two-and-a-half years of war. Historians have said Canadian nationalism was born at Vimy Ridge when the 100,000-<~~delete hyphen and insert comma burly Canadian Corps claimed a tactical ground from the Germans that their allies had failed to acquire.
Not all your paragraphs seem to be fully developed. If this is part of an academic paper, you need to make sure all paragraphs are developed fully.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/paragraphs.htm
A fully developed paragraph in the body of an academic paper usually has from 6-10 sentences in it.
Thanks a lot. I didn't know about the fully developed paragraph thing. I'll keep that in mind next time.
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