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March 30, 2017

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Could someone edit this for me...

In 1915, the 1st Canadian Division was recognized as a fighting force, for holding their ground against a new type of warfare; chlorine gas. It was at the Battle of Ypres where the Germans released 160 tons of poisonous chlorine gas on a large scale of the Western Front. As the thick yellow clouds of chlorine gas drifted over British & French forces, soldiers started to drop dead and many tried to run from the area.

Luckily, a solider from the Canadian Lines discovered that by pressing urine socked clothes over their noses and mouths would not allow the gas to penetrate their bodies. By the time the word was spread, there was a four -mile gap between the allied lines.

The Canadian Division worked all day and night, to attempt to fill the giant hole. On April 24, the Germans attacked in an effort to wipe out the enemy once and for all. Another violent attack was followed by a gas assault. This time the target was the Canadians. In a matter of two days, the Canadian Line experienced 2,000 deaths and a total of 6,000 casualties. Even though, the Canadian Division suffered so many loses, it was the first time that a small force caused a major European power to withdraw.

  • Editing - ,

    In 1915, the 1st Canadian Division was recognized as a fighting force, for holding their ground against a new type of warfare;<~~use : not ; chlorine gas. It was at the Battle of Ypres where the Germans released 160 tons of poisonous chlorine gas on a large scale<~~delete "scale" and insert "section" of the Western Front. As the thick yellow clouds of chlorine gas drifted over British &<~~spell the word out French forces, soldiers started to drop dead<~~add comma and many tried to run from the area.

    Luckily, a solider<~~sp? from the Canadian Lines discovered that by pressing urine socked<~~use "urine-soaked" not "... socked"! clothes over their noses and mouths would not allow the gas to penetrate<~~delete "would ... penetrate" and insert "the gas would not penetrate" their bodies. By the time the word<~~what word? was spread, there was a four -mile<~~delete space before the hyphen gap between the allied lines. <~~The logic of this last statement is missing. I think it needs complete rephrasing.

    The Canadian Division worked all day and night,<~~delete comma to attempt to fill the giant hole<~~???. On April 24, the Germans attacked in an effort to wipe out the enemy once and for all. Another violent attack was followed by a gas assault. This time the target was the Canadians. In a matter of two days, the Canadian Line experienced 2,000 deaths and a total of 6,000 casualties<~~"casualties" usually include those killed and wounded; this needs rephrasing. Even though,<~~delete comma the Canadian Division suffered so many loses, it was the first time that a small force caused a major European power to withdraw.<~~You need to be more specific here. Who's the small force? Who's the major European power?

    =)

  • Editing - ,

    Thanks so much

  • Editing - ,

    In 1915, the 1st Canadian Division was recognized as a fighting force, for holding their ground against a new type of warfare: chlorine gas. It was at the Battle of Ypres where the Germans released 160 tons of poisonous chlorine gas on a large section of the Western Front. As the thick yellow clouds of chlorine gas drifted over British and French forces, soldiers started to drop dead, and many tried to run from the area.

    Luckily, a soldier from the Canadian Lines discovered that by pressing urine-soaked clothes over their noses and mouths the gas would not penetrate their bodies. By the end of the day, there was a four-mile gap between the allied lines. <~~The logic of this last statement is missing. I think it needs complete rephrasing.

    The Canadian Division worked all day and night to attempt to fill the gap between the allied lines. On April 24, the Germans attacked in an effort to wipe out the enemy once and for all. Another violent attack was followed by a gas assault. This time the target was the Canadians. In a matter of two days, the Canadian Line experienced 2,000 deaths and 3,000 wounded. Even though the Canadian Division suffered so many loses, it was the first time that a small Canadian force caused a major European power (Germany) to withdraw.

    By the end of the day, there was a four-mile gap between the allied lines.<~~The logic of this last statement is missing. I think it needs complete rephrasing.

    I don’t know what to put there ???
    and is the rest right now?

  • Editing - ,

    YW!!

    =)

  • Editing - ,

    In 1915, the 1st Canadian Division was recognized as a fighting force, for holding their ground against a new type of warfare: chlorine gas. It was at the Battle of Ypres where the Germans released 160 tons of poisonous chlorine gas on a large section of the Western Front. As the thick yellow clouds of chlorine gas drifted over British and French forces, soldiers started to drop dead, and many tried to run from the area.

    Luckily, a soldier from the Canadian Lines discovered that by pressing urine-soaked clothes over their noses and mouths the gas would not penetrate their bodies. By the end of the day, there was a four-mile gap between the allied lines. <~~The logic of this last statement is missing. I think it needs complete rephrasing.

    The Canadian Division worked all day and night to attempt to fill the gap between the allied lines. On April 24, the Germans attacked in an effort to wipe out the enemy once and for all. Another violent attack was followed by a gas assault. This time the target was the Canadians. In a matter of two days, the Canadian Line experienced 2,000 deaths and 3,000 wounded. Even though the Canadian Division suffered so many loses, it was the first time that a small Canadian force caused a major European power (Germany) to withdraw.

    By the end of the day, there was a four-mile gap between the allied lines.<~~The logic of this last statement is missing. I think it needs complete rephrasing.

    I don’t know what to put there ???
    and is the rest right now?

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