Homework Help: Editing

Posted by Gina on Sunday, October 7, 2007 at 11:30am.

I forgot to post my whole essay on my last question so if someone could edit the next part. It might be confusing as to where I picked up. My last post has the beginning.

There had been two attempts to kill the Archduke. One was on Appel Quay where one of Princep’s allies, Cabrinovic threw a bomb at the Archduke’s car. Ferdinand however, was not fooled, and calmly knocked it down. With that failed attempt, Princep decided to go after Ferdinand by himself.

After visiting a military hospital, the much-annoyed Franz Ferdinand decided to leave Bosnia and return home. The route on which they were to return had changed but the Ferdinand’s driver was unaware and as a result, they’re car was intercepted by Princep. Two shots from his revolver left Franz Ferdinand and Sofie gasping for breath. One bullet went right through the throat of the Archduke and they other ripped through Sofie stomach. Both were dead in a matter of minutes.

The assassination of Franz Ferdinand and his wife Sofie, gave Austria-Hungary a palpable motive to proclaim war upon Serbia. Nevertheless, Serbia would not be the only one fighting against Austria-Hungary. Russia had promised to aid Serbia which caused Germany (allied with Austria-Hungary) to declare war on Russia & had also attacked France because of its alliance with Russia. Germany had violated Belgium’s neutral stance and therefore Britain announced war on Germany. Since Britain have power over Canada’s foreign affairs, Canada was obligated to serve the British Empire. Little did Princep know of European politics and consequently, a single assassination lead to the intrusion of peace around the world.

Editing - GuruBlue, Sunday, October 7, 2007 at 12:21pm
There had been two attempts to kill the Archduke. One was on Appel Quay where one of Princep’s allies, Cabrinovic, threw a bomb at the Archduke’s car. Ferdinand, however, was not fooled, and calmly knocked it down. With that failed attempt, Princep decided to go after Ferdinand by himself.

After visiting a military hospital, the much-annoyed Franz Ferdinand decided to leave Bosnia and return home. The route on which they were to return had changed(omit) but the ;Ferdinand’s driver was unaware, and as a result, they’re(sp) their car was intercepted by Princep. Two shots from his revolver left Franz Ferdinand and Sofie gasping for breath. One bullet went right through the throat of the Archduke and the other ripped through Sofie stomach. Both were dead in a matter of minutes.

The assassination of Franz Ferdinand and his wife Sofie gave Austria-Hungary a palpable motive to proclaim war upon Serbia. Nevertheless, Serbia would not be the only one fighting against Austria-Hungary. (run-on sentence)Russia had promised to aid Serbia which caused Germany (allied with Austria-Hungary) to declare war on Russia. Germany also attacked France because of its alliance with Russia. (add) in attacking France, Germany violated Belgium’s neutral stance ;therefore Britain announced war on Germany. Since Britain has power over Canada’s foreign affairs, Canada was obligated to serve the British Empire. Little did Princep know of European politics ; consequently, a single assassination led to the (intrusion is the wrong word here- perhaps, violation )intrusion of peace around the world.
- Editing - Gina, Sunday, October 7, 2007 at 5:43pm
  Thanks you =]
- Editing - Gina, Sunday, October 7, 2007 at 5:47pm
  What do you mean by (add) in attcking france??
Editing - GuruBlue, Sunday, October 7, 2007 at 5:49pm
Skip that. Just put "Germany's" where the "its" is.... that will make the sentence clear.
- Editing - Gina, Sunday, October 7, 2007 at 6:15pm
  ok, thank-you

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