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March 28, 2017

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Could someone edit my essay?

  • Editing - ,

    it would help if we could see it

  • Editing - ,

    On June 28th 1914, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne and his wife Sofie (Duchess of Hohenburg) were assassinated in Sarajevo by a teenage boy named Princep. No one would have ever thought that the actions of a juvenile teen would result in a global war but one must be prepared to “expect the unexpected.”

    Franz Ferdinand and Sofie had decided to pay a visit to Bosnia to scrutinize the troops and to discourage Bosnia’s nationalistic beliefs of breaking from Austria-Hungary and uniting with Serbia. Serbia took this as an enormous threat and as a result, “The Black Hand,” (Princep’s terrorist group) decided to put an end to Franz Ferdinand’s trialism once and for all.

    There had been two attempts to kill the Archduke. One was on Appel Quay where one of Princep’s allies, Cabrinovic threw a bomb at the Archduke’s car. Ferdinand however, was not fooled, and calmly knocked it down. With that failed attempt, Princep decided to go after Ferdinand by himself.

    After visiting a military hospital, the much-annoyed Franz Ferdinand decided to leave Bosnia and return home. The route on which they were to return had changed but the Ferdinand’s driver was unaware and as a result, they’re car was intercepted by Princep. Two shots from his revolver left Franz Ferdinand and Sofie gasping for breath. One bullet went right through the throat of the Archduke and they other ripped through Sofie stomach. Both were dead in a matter of minutes.

    The assassination of Franz Ferdinand and his wife Sofie, gave Austria-Hungary a palpable motive to proclaim war upon Serbia. Nevertheless, Serbia would not be the only one fighting against Austria-Hungary. Russia had promised to aid Serbia which caused Germany (allied with Austria-Hungary) to declare war on Russia & had also attacked France because of its alliance with Russia. Germany had violated Belgium’s neutral stance and therefore Britain announced war on Germany. Since Britain have power over Canada’s foreign affairs, Canada was obligated to serve the British Empire. Little did Princep know of European politics and consequently, a single assassination lead to the intrusion of peace around the world.




    Thanks in advance =]

  • Editing - ,

    This looks good. :-) I just took out a parenthesis and replaced it with commas to parallel the first part of the sentence.

    On June 28th 1914, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne and his wife Sofie, Duchess of Hohenburg, were assassinated in Sarajevo by a teenage boy named Princep. No one would have ever thought that the actions of a juvenile teen would result in a global war but one must be prepared to “expect the unexpected.”

    Franz Ferdinand and Sofie had decided to pay a visit to Bosnia to scrutinize the troops and to discourage Bosnia’s nationalistic beliefs of breaking from Austria-Hungary and uniting with Serbia. Serbia took this as an enormous threat and as a result, “The Black Hand,” (Princep’s terrorist group) decided to put an end to Franz Ferdinand’s trialism trialism once and for all.

  • Editing - ,

    Thanks so much

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