I have written the first three paragrapsh of my essay. I was wondering if anybody wanted to edit it for grammar and stuff. Thanks.
Famous Firsts
Every person lives a life that is different from all others. In this life we each experience something for the first time. Many times these “firsts” create an impression on us. These impressions stay with us for the rest of our lives and affect how we live and act from that point forward. In my personal experiences three different “firsts” stand out in my mind.
My first pet is one such experience that I will carry with me throughout my life. My first pet was a dog that my parents had before I was born. I was lucky enough to get to grow up with Kelsey, our golden retriever. Up until the last two years of her life, Kelsey was the most enjoyable dog. She loved to do anything with anybody. If I wanted to play catch with her, she would play catch, but if I just felt like watching television Kelsey would do that too. Kelsey was the perfect first pet, in that she embodied what it means to be “man’s best friend.”
The second “first” that has affected me was my first Model United Nations conference. It was in 2006 at the College of William and Mary. I partnered with Carrie Sheeler and we represented the country of Qatar on the World Health Organization. Since it was my first conference I was extremely nervous and when the council voted on the topic of intellectual property rights my heart sank. I had researched the other topic, blood transfusion safety. I was upset that Carrie’s topic was chosen because I thought that I would not be able to speak, but Carrie, being the great friend she is, wrote a short speech for me to read. Carrie and I were ecstatic when we received a verbal commendation for our hard work. The best thing about my first Model United Nations conference was that so many funny things happened and Carrie and I can still joke about them.
For some reason it wont let me copy paste my whole essay. If somebody knows how to fix that please let me know. Sorry!
If you have a PC, try highlighting the paragraphs and using Ctrl C to copy and Ctrl V to paste.
If that doesn't work, you'll need to type it here.
Sure, I can help you with that! Here are some suggestions for editing your essay:
1. In the first paragraph, consider using a different phrase for "create an impression on us" to make it clearer. For example, you could say "Many times these 'firsts' leave a lasting impact on us" or "Many times these 'firsts' shape our perception and influence our future actions."
2. In the second paragraph, after mentioning your first pet, you could provide a sentence or two on why this experience stands out in your mind. This will add more depth to your writing and help the reader understand the significance of this first.
3. In the third paragraph, you might want to change the phrase "has affected me" to "has had an impact on me" to make it more concise. Additionally, you can consider revising "because I thought that I would not be able to speak" to "because I believed I wouldn't have the opportunity to share my thoughts." This will make your sentence more clear and precise.
Remember, grammar and style preferences can vary, so these suggestions are meant to be helpful guidelines. It's always a good idea to read your essay out loud to ensure clarity and coherence. Also, consider seeking feedback from someone you trust or using online editing tools to further enhance your writing. Good luck with your essay!