Saturday
November 22, 2014

Homework Help: Essay proof read

Posted by Singh on Monday, July 23, 2007 at 5:56pm.

Hi. Can you fix any errors in my essay. Thanks

Last week, I went to public court to learn and have a new experience. I was surprised the name of the street was courthouse circle where the court was. There were many police cars parked on the street. It was a tall building. During entering the building, the security did some checking. There were metal detectors. If some brings illegal items, the alarm will start ringing. I walked to the front desk, and told them I am looking for Mr. Steiner vs. Mr. Santiago case. She told me it’s on the second level. I took the elevator to the second level. As I was walking in the building, there were many other courtrooms in the same building. There were many lawyers walking on the hallway holding court files. There were different courts and officers for crime branch, marriage certificate, ticketing.
I went inside the courtroom. It was a big hall with lots of chair. There were court officers who act in monitoring the court and keeping order in the courtroom. There were also court reporters that usually take down the words spoken in trials. There are usually 12 juries, who make a decision whether an accused person is innocent or guilty. The jury must have a unanimous decision. They inform the court, as well as the judge, whether they consider the person is innocent or guilty. The judge decides the innocent person free or sentences to guilty person. A jury's decision is final, although it can be appealed to a higher court. At first, there wasn’t anyone in the courtroom, and slowly it got crowded with public. It was a case of Mr. Rock Steiner vs. Jose Santiago. They were having debate over property trespassing. Everyone expressions were very confused, who will win the case. Both the parties came in the hall Mr. Rock Steiner and Mr. Jose Santiago with his wife, and stood up in the trial box. After sometime, the police officer came and said Judge Andrew Davidson is coming. We all stood up to pay respect to the judge. I was surprised that people were giving this much respect to judge, as this was my first time experience in court. Judge Davidson told everyone to sit down, and he asked the Plaintiff and Defendant for the issue. Plaintiff is someone who brings action against other party. Defendant is person who’s being sued or accused.
Mr. Steiner, plaintiff, accused Mr. Santiago for throwing trash on his property, such as hotdog boxes, beer cans, chips packets. Mr. Jose, the defendant, said he never threw at his property, he doesn't know how did those things get there and who it belongs to. Both of them were arguing badly with each other, sometimes even the security person told them not to misbehave in the courtroom. Mr. Steiner said “I have seen him partying with his friends on Saturdays with drinking beer and eating, it is obviously him who threw all that stuff on his property”. I was really amazed on the convincing statement Mr. Steiner made. The Judge asked Mr. Santiago for what he has to say. Mr. Santiago said “I do have parties on Saturdays, but we never throw anything on his property, why would I do that?” Everyone was confused who’s making the right statement. Judge Anderson said to Mr. Steiner, “Is this the first time, you have noticed food boxes and cans in your property?” Mr. Steiner replied “Sir, this is not the first time; he has done this couple of times before in the past.” After that Mr. Steiner showed the pictures, he took of his property that had the trash he mentioned. He passed the picture to the Security officer, and he took it to the Judge. The judge looked at it, and was surprised. He showed the picture to all of the public, and I saw that there was truly messy trash on his property.
The Judge asked Mr. Steiner if there is a witness. Mr. Steiner brought Mrs. Mary Lovely, who is a close by neighbor. The Judge asked Mrs. Mary to explain what she saw. Mrs. Mary Lovely said “on most Saturday, Mr. Santiago have a parties. I saw them throwing stuff on Mr. Steiner property around 9:00 pm”. She also said that their party is so huge, that so many cars are parked on the streets. She also mentioned that they play high volume music and disturb the neighbors. Mrs. Santiago said to Mrs. Mary Lovely “shut up, mind your own business”. The judge told Mrs. Santiago to behave in the courtroom. Mr. Santiago was looking angry on what Mrs. Lovely said. Mr. Santiago suddenly started saying she is lying because he never threw any stuff on Mr. Steiner property. The case was going in favor of Mr. Steiner because all the evidence that was provided was against Mr. Santiago. I was surprised that most inappropriate thing happened. Mr. Santiago suddenly walked to Mr. Steiner and punched him hardly on his face. Everyone was surprised on what Mr. Santiago did. It was very in-polite thing Mr. Santiago did; I was thinking he will probably get arrested. The security officers came and hold Mr. Santiago, and he break the fight, and the judge found the fighters in contempt of court. The judge said “this case is adjourned”.
I was really tired and felt boredom of sitting inside, so I decided to take a walk outside the courtroom. I didn’t go outside of the building because I will have to go through security checking again when coming back inside. There was a nice cafeteria on the 3rd floor, I ate some food and went back to the courtroom. After one hour, the judge and the jury came back in the courtroom. Everybody stood up again, as Judge Anderson, walked in the courtroom. The judge asked jury members, if they have reached the verdict. Mr. David Brooks, one of the jury member said “Yes, your honor, we reached the verdict”, and he passed the paper to the security officer to give to the judge. The judge looked at the paper, and said “Mr. Santiago you have to fine up to $200 since you drop 15-25 pounds of trash for many offenses, plus community service of eight to 24 hours”. The judge also said “Mr. Santiago has to apologize for attacking Mr. Steiner, and give him $1000 fine addition to $200 for throwing the trash on his property. Mr. Santiago started talking while judge was giving his final decision. The judge got angry, and said “It’s my turn to speak, and if you have to say anything, say it outside of the court”. After that the Judge got up, and said “This case is over”, and he walked out of the courtroom.
There were reporters, who started asking Mr. Steiner how he felt, and he said “I am really thankful to the judge, because it was rude for Mr. Santiago to throw food boxes on his property, which is not healthy”. The same reporters walked to Mr. Santiago and asked him how he felt. He said “the judge was unfair, and Mr. Steiner is a liar”, and he walked out of the courtroom.
I totally agree with Judge Decision in favor of Mr. Steiner because it is Mr. Santiago fault to throw nasty things on someone else property not accidentally but intentionally. Mr. Santiago had rude behavior also, as on most arguments he was yelling. He even cause fight in the court while there was case going on. There was strong evidence against him such as Mrs. Mary Lovely who described Mr. Santiago party habits, and the pictures that Mr. Steiner took of outside of his house.


I'll take on your first paragraph, but then you must make similar corrections in the others. Also, it's very difficult to read such a long paper without paragraph divisions. Please put an extra space (hit the Enter key twice) between paragraphs after this. Thanks.

Last week, I went to public court to learn and have a new experience. I was surprised the name of the street was courthouse circle where the court was.<~~Why were you surprised?? Also the name needs to have capital letters -- Courthouse Circle There were many police cars parked on the street. It<~~What is "it"? was a tall building. During<~~change "During" to "While" entering the building, the security add the word "people" here did some checking. There were metal detectors. If someonebrings illegal items, the alarm will start ringing. I walked to the front desk,<~~delete comma and told them I am<~~change "am" to "was" looking for add the word "the" here Mr. Steiner vs. Mr. Santiago case. She told me it’s<~~change "it's" to "it was" on the second level. I took the elevator to the second level. As I was walking in the building, there were many other courtrooms in the same building. There were many lawyers walking on<~~change "on" to "in" the hallway holding court files. There were different courts and officers for the criminal courts, marriage certificates, and traffic tickets.

You also need to work on sentence combining. There are many short, simple sentences here that could be connected to make your writing smoother. Example:

She told me it’s on the second level. I took the elevator to the second level. As I was walking in the building, ... ~~> She told me it was on the second level, and as I took the elevator there, I noticed ...

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/combining_skills.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sentences.htm

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