posted by Arati on .
I have to write this poem for English. Can you please critique it for me?
The Power of Time and Myself
If I were to see me which is you
Would you say that you're proud of what I've become.
If I look into your eyes and told you things would be okay
Would you believe me?
If I tell you what I've done in forthcoming years
Would you be impressed?
Would you have made the same decisions
If I told you what would happen?
Would you do something or would you change
If I tell you the rewards to expect?
Would you think you were beautiful after all
If you were to look at my face?
If you saw me and believed it for real
Would you ask me a gazillion questions?
Would you ponder over these changes?
Would you be happy?
Or would you be disappointed?
If I told you to stick to a goal
Would you do it?
Or would you ignore it
And follow that current dream you have?
Sometimes I wish I could go back to you.
And relive those old memories.
Sometimes I want to see my future self,
And see what's in store for me
In my later years to come.
I think that is a very insightful poem. You might think about adding commas to make it a little easier to read....however, poetic form leaves license. Examples, I would put a commas the "if" clauses, only for clarity.
I agree with GuruBlue. It seems like the person is looking in a mirror and talking to him/herself.
Since there is no indication of "Power" in the poem, a better title might be "Reflections on Time and Myself."
I hope this helps a little more. Thanks for asking.