Posted by anonymous on Tuesday, May 15, 2007 at 9:35am.
How do i start off writing an letter to a college? what type of things do they want to hear?
What is the purpose of writing the letter? Start it off with stating the purpose.
We will be happy to critique your work.
Can you proofread my letter when i'm done?
This webpage and its links are about writing resumes and letters for a job hunt, but many of the same ideas apply to writing to a college.
Here are a bunch of links to "letters to college" -- not all will pertain to what you want, but you should go into the ones that look promising.
Again, as Bobpursley stated above, focus on the purpose of the letter.
Yes, we will proofread for you.
This what i haved so far.....
College Personal Statement Letter
Dear, Strayer Unviersty
Hi, my name is Bryan Martin and i am intreseted in atteneding Strayer Unviersty. I was born in Bethesda MD on the 17th of november, 1989. I have one sister age 23 which runs her own catering business. She followed after my father which is a chef and manages a well known resturant in the Mictcheville area of Prince Gerogers County. My mother works for the government in DC on Bolling Air Force Base. Significant life experiences range from being involved in the community, helping out in senior citizens homes, auto work shops when i considered the life in automotive. Since my father was invloved in cooking we traveled to Erie, PA every year, where him and my aunt worked a fest. They recieve top recoginition on news channels, newspaper and was even rewarded plaqus. when working these fest i was invloved in the community, helping with the loading and unloading of plasticwear, food, working with all personalite types of the people.
I am currently attending Crossland High Schorol in which I have one more year till graduation. I feel confident in my future and career path. Me knowing what direction i want to take and things i want to achieve in life, gives me nothing but the fuel to accomplish it. I had a perfect attenedence record throughout my high school years and held a GPA of 2.75. With my last year of High School around the corner i look to accel in all cources earning a GPA of at least 3.50 by graduation. Strayer offer courses like business mangement in which i would like to major in. My future educational goals involves a degree in Bachelor of Science in International Business and attending a training program at Universal Technical Insitute in Collison Repair & Refinishing Technology. I would also like to sit in real estate investing seminars and learn what it takes to invest in real estate.
In High School
What is the POINT of your writing to them? Do you want them to send you a catalog? Do you want to make an appointment with someone in the admissions office.
No one in an office will have time to read all this information. Just get to the point -- what do you want from them??
Please rewrite and repost.
The POINT is that its a personal statement letter..
Most private college and scholarship applications require a personal statement (essay) of 350-500 words, typed and double-spaced. In general, this statement should describe briefly your personal and academic background, employment record, interests, life experiences, goals, and social commitment (e.g. school and community service). Since the personal statement often substitutes for a personal interview, it is very important that you be clear, concise, and specific in your writing style. Personal statements are examples of different ways you can highlight your background.
Hi, my name is Bryan Martin and i am intreseted in atteneding Strayer Unviersty. I was born in Bethesda MD on the 17th of november, 1989.<~~omit those first two sentences; they have all that information in your application form
I have one sister age 23 who
runs her own catering business. She followed after my father who
is a chef and manages a well known resturant in the Mictcheville<~~sp??
area of Prince Gerogers<~~sp??
County. My mother works for the government in DC<~~complete name; no slangy abbreviations
on Bolling Air Force Base. All the stuff in this first part may end up being tossed out unless it becomes clear that these things had a direct influence on your life choices so far.
Significant life experiences range from being involved in the community, helping out in senior citizens<~~add apostrophe after "s" -- it's plural possessive
homes, auto work shops<~~do you mean auto repair shops? auto body shops?
when i considered the life in automotive<~~automotive what??
. All this may or may not be kept. We'll see if it's relevant. How were these "significant life experiences"?
Since my father was invloved<~~sp??
in cooking<~~add comma
we<~~who are "we"?
traveled to Erie, PA<~~add comma
every year, where him<~~use "he" not "him" since it's a subject
and my aunt worked a fest<~~what does that mean: "worked a fest"?
. They recieve<~~past tense??
top recoginition on news channels, newspaper and was even rewarded plaqus. when working these fest i was invloved in the community, helping with the loading and unloading of plasticwear, food, working with all personalite types of the people. <~~Check all spelling, subject/verb agreement, and word choice in those last two sentences. How is all this relevant to why you want to attend this particular university and to your probable major?
I am currently attending Crossland High Schorol<~~sp??
in which<~~use "where" not "in which"
I have one more year till<~~use "until" not "till"
graduation.<~~don't they already know all this from your application?
I feel confident in my future and career path<~~what is it??
. Me knowing<~~delete "Me" and capitalize the K on "knowing"
what direction i want to take and things i want to achieve in life, gives me nothing but the fuel to accomplish it<~~what is "it"?
. I had<~~verb tense is incorrect; use "have"
a perfect attenedence<~~sp??
record throughout my high school years and held<~~verb tense again; use "hold"
a GPA of 2.75. With my last year of High School around the corner<~~add comma
look to accel<~~sp??
in all cources<~~sp??
earning a GPA of at least 3.50 by graduation. Strayer offer<~~subj/verb agreement
courses like<~~delete "like" and use "such as"
in which i<~~??
would like to major in<~~delete "in" - it's repetitive
. My future educational goals involves<~~subj/verb agreement problem again
a degree in Bachelor of Science in International Business and attending a training program at Universal Technical Insitute in Collison Repair & Refinishing Technology<~~you need to show the connection between these two; do you plan to open a collision repair shop someplace outside the US??
. I would also like to sit in<~~delete "sit in" and insert "attend"
real estate investing seminars and learn what it takes to invest in real estate.
Subj/verb agreement: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sv_agr.htm
Your whole first paragraph is irrelevant unless you can tie each item you include with ideas in the second paragraph.
This section of The College Board's website will give you many good ideas. In essence, you are writing a college admissions essay, but in letter form.
Please repost when you have it rewritten.
Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. You have already received excellent help. Remember that whoever is reading this letter has no idea who you are, and may not even really care! Please get a Spell Check because you not make a good impression misspelling words. It's a good idea to vary your sentences as well. (combine 2 simple sentences into a complex one) Be brief, to the point and try to convey WHY they should select you!
My recommendation is to try to make some point about your life and how it motivates you to go to xxxxx. I have read many of these letters, and many, many, are drivel.
Yes, grammar, spelling, syntax, and clear, consise writing is important. First impressions stick.
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