Monday
July 28, 2014

Homework Help: Spanish

Posted by christine on Tuesday, February 27, 2007 at 5:09pm.

I wrote a story for my Spanish class; could someone please proof-read part of it for me? Thanks!
Ella se cae, arrodillada sobre la orilla. Es donde ellos tuvieron sus primero encuentra. Llorando, ella se depila los pétalos de una flor. Ella gota los pétalos en el agua del río, y sus lágrimas, como la lluvia, oprimen los pétalos hasta el fondo del río. El corriente trae los pétalos a través de una cascada, hasta el mar. Es allí donde ellos quedan. Después de un año y un día, una sirena se nace y se levanta del mar. Eso es como todos los sirenas se nacen.

The sentence "Es allí donde ellos quedan" would, it seems to me, be better written as simply
Allí se quedan. (There they remain)

Quedarse is a reflexive verb. The rest seems OK but I would await a more qualified opinion than mine.

The use of the present tense despite the passage of time is a bit awkward. It is not clear who or what the "ella" is. It is also not clear who the "ellos" are who have their first encounter at the "orilla".

It is a beautiful story in any case.

thank you!

Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. I like your story too! Any errors will be (in parentheses after the error.)

proof-read part of it for me? Thanks!
Ella se cae, arrodillada sobre la orilla. Es donde ellos tuvieron sus (singular = su) primero (primer = short form in front of masc. sing. noun) encuentra.(encuentro = masc. sing.) Llorando, ella se depila los pétalos de una flor. Ella gota (this is a noun "drop" and you need a verb = deja caer) los pétalos en el agua del río, y sus lágrimas, como la lluvia, oprimen(not sure what verb you might like better) los pétalos hasta el fondo del río. El corriente trae los pétalos a través de una cascada, hasta el mar. Es allí donde ellos quedan.(good correction from drwls) Después de un año y un día, una sirena se nace y se levanta del mar. Eso es como(cómo) (because of the interrogative word used in a sentence a bit better word order is "cómo se nacen todos las sirenas.") todos los(las = fem. pl. noun) sirenas se nacen.

Usually I provide proofreading symbols and have you do the corrections, but I don't have time tonight!

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