Thursday
December 25, 2014

Homework Help: World History Paper

Posted by ML on Tuesday, December 5, 2006 at 12:58pm.

Please give feedback on the following paper:


The American Revolution and the French Revolution each greatly affected many people and how the countries were run. This essay will consider the impact of these two revolutions on economy, revolutionary thought, social, political and geographical structures--similarities and differences of each.

Of course, the main similarity is for sure, the plan for change. The European Age of Enlightenment in the early 1700's brought together the ideas of the Renaissance and the scientific revolution. There was for the first time a group of philosophers which believed that free people could build a better society. These ideas were at the root of both the American and French revolutions. There were supporters of ideas of Enlightenment from both France as well as America, such as, Voltaire, Diderot, Montesquieu, Rosseau and Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, as well. It was John Locke who believed that people made a contract with their government to protect their natural rights, life, liberty and property.

The popularity of the idea of absolute monarchy declined greatly after the American and French revolutions which promoted theories of government based on popular sovereignty. The absolute control of the French king and his court was an unfair system of government, a government that was also bankrupt. On the political side of the American Revolution, a new government with elected representatives was formed under the articles of confederation. It is also important to know that in the political area that from the French revolution, the National Assembly was formed to break from the king and form a new government based on a constitution.

Economically speaking, some achievements on the side of the American Revolution, was the lifting of the British trade restriction, which would allow for trade and in turn build economy. As for the French Revolution, economically, the extravagance of the rich, and the misery of the poor were extreme. When the king needed even more taxes, the commoners refused which moved them from the unfair established economic classes of people in France. As far as the French, due in part to France's Feudal arrangements, food was scarce, bread which was the main part of the peasants diet, was very high priced by the summer of 1789.


Geographically, with the American Revolution, the 13 colonies became the independent USA and were recognized by Great Britain. Britain gave the US the land East of the Mississippi River, north to Canada and South to the border of Florida.

The success of the American Revolution encouraged other people, especially the French, to overthrow their own government.

In North America, the ideals of the revolution continued to inspire groups seeking social equality. Meanwhile in France, the French feudal system was abolished.

This essay has discussed, described, evaluated and shown how life in France and America were affected--politically, socially, economically, and geographically. You also have read about absolute monarchy and Enlightenment ideas of both these countries. It has attempted to successfully provide a unique insight into the nature of these two revolutions that the reader might not have discovered otherwise.

Apologies. It did not seem to post on my end the first attempt. Thanks in advance for commenting. Much appreciated.

The American Revolution and the French Revolution each greatly affected many people and how the countries were run. This phrasing is very elementary-school stuff.~~>This essay will consider the impact of these two revolutions on economy, revolutionary thought, social, political and geographical structures--similarities and differences of each. An introduction should have more than two sentences in it. Four or five would be minimum in any acceptable papers in my classes. See these websites to help you understand how to write an introduction with a decent thesis statement at the end of it:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/intro.html
and
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
and
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/intros.htm
and
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/thesis.htm

Please rewrite your first “paragraph” so that it is a recognizable introduction.


Of course,<~~delete this and start here~~> the main similarity is for sure,<~~delete “for sure” and the comma the plan for change. The European Age of Enlightenment in the early 1700's brought together the ideas of the Renaissance and the scientific revolution. There was for the first time<~~turn these around for smoother phrasing: “For the first time, there was …” a group of philosophers which<~~”who” (people are not “which” except maybe in a group) believed that free people could build a better society. These ideas were at the root of both the American and French revolutions. There were supporters of ideas of Enlightenment from both<~~delete “both” France as well as America, such as,<~~delete comma Voltaire, Diderot, Montesquieu, Rosseau and<~~delete “and” and add a comma Benjamin Franklin<~~add a comma and Thomas Jefferson, as well<~~delete “as well”. It was John Locke who believed that people made a contract with their government to protect their natural rights, life, liberty and property. <~~Locke’s ideas are important, but you need to explain more fully how his ideas were involved in these revolutions. Maybe he deserves a paragraph of his own?

The popularity of the idea of absolute monarchy declined greatly after the American and French revolutions which promoted theories of government based on popular sovereignty. The absolute control of the French king and his court was an unfair system of government, a government that was also bankrupt. On the political side of the American Revolution, a new government with elected representatives was formed under the articles of confederation. It is also important to know that in the political area that<~~which instance of “that” will you delete? the National Assembly was formed after the French Revolution to break from the king and form a new government based on a constitution.

Economically speaking, some achievements on the side of the American Revolution, was<~~”some achievements…was” -- ?? the lifting of the British trade restriction, which would allow for trade and in turn build economy. <~~better phrasing might be this: “Economically, a primary achievement after the American Revolution was the lifting of the British trade restrictions, which allowed for trade and, in turn, built the new nation’s economy.” As for<~~change “As for” to “Before” the French Revolution, economically, <~~delete “economically” and the comma the extravagance of the rich, <~~delete the comma and the misery of the poor were extreme. When the king needed even more taxes, the commoners refused which moved them from the unfair <~~”unfairly” ?? established economic classes of people in France. As far as the French, due in part to France's Feudal arrangements, <~~very awkward phrasing; try this: ”In addition, because of France’s feudal system,” food was scarce, <~~add “and” bread<~~add comma which was the main part of the peasants<~~needs to be plural possessive: peasants’ diet, was very high priced by the summer of 1789.

Geographically, with the American Revolution, the 13 colonies became the independent USA and were recognized by Great Britain. Britain gave the US the land East of the Mississippi River, north to Canada and South to the border of Florida.

The success of the American Revolution encouraged other people, especially the French, to overthrow their own government.

In North America, the ideals of the revolution continued to inspire groups seeking social equality. Meanwhile in France, the French feudal system was abolished.


This essay has discussed, described, evaluated and shown how life in France and America were affected--politically, socially, economically, and geographically. You also have read about absolute monarchy and Enlightenment ideas of both these countries. It has attempted to successfully provide a unique insight into the nature of these two revolutions that the reader might not have discovered otherwise.**

The three sections I have italicized above are not fully developed paragraphs. Remember that a paragraph in the body of a paper like this needs to have a topic sentence, 4-6 development (details, facts, etc.) sentences, and a conclusion/transition sentence. Please revise/develop those into proper paragraphs.

**Here are some good websites to help you write an acceptable conclusion:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/endings.htm
and
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/conclude.html

I look forward to your revised paper. You’re absolutely on the right track here.

=)


It takes time to read a paper and write commentary. Please do not post twice.

Thanks.



Thank you for your feedback and your encouragement. I will visit the sites you suggest, work more on the paper, and resubmit.

ML

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