help correct please
posted by Writeacher on .
I hope these corrections weren't too late, but I have the feeling they were. I think the Cal State and UC applications have to be postmarked by midnight on Nov 30, right?
If so, please make sure you also work on NOT doing things that are this important at the last minute ... especially if you are expecting feedback from people who are in a different time zone from yours.
In any event -- let us know what happens with your application to UC.
Per DrWLS – excellent job:
I was born in Vietnam and grew up in an urban city. Although I was born in Vietnam, my first language is Cantonese because my parents do not speak much Vietnamese. I started to learn Vietnamese at the age of seven. I remember when I was in elementary school, everything were very difficult for me because I never learned any Vietnamese before I attended school. Every time that I got hard homework, I tried and made every effort to do it myself since my family does not know Vietnamese. Although I sometimes feel very helpless, I never give up without trying my best. Maybe because of this, it has influenced me to became more independent when I grow up.
When I was fourteen years old, I was fluent in both Vietnamese and Cantonese. I was doing well in school. But at that time, my parents told me that we would move to the United States. I was wondering why they wanted to move.<~~delete this sentence; it’s repetitive, unneeded I didn't understand why they believed they had to move to such a strange place and start everything over again. But when I got the my first letter from a college telling me to apply, I realized the reason that they gave up everything in Vietnam and moved to this strange place. They wanted me to have a better education and a better life, disregarding their own welfare, even when they knew they could not find their future here. I know they would have had a better time in Vietnam. Over here, because of their ages, it is harder for them to find jobs. Nevertheless, they still chose to move to the United States. Therefore, I really want to fulfill their wish, as well as my own, to get into a good university and show my parents that I really did it for them and myself.
When I first arrived America, everything was strange to me; <~~change semicolon(;) to colon (:) the people, the place, and the language. On the first day of school, I was very worried and nervous. That feeling reminded me of my first day of school when I was in Vietnam. I did not know anything and could not communicate with others. I lost a lots of<~~delete “a lots of” confidence since the day I came here, but I soon adapted well and started studying hard in school. After two years of hard working, I can speak confidently with people around me, and I am getting better grades in school. Although I am in normal English class right now, I still feel that I need improvements<~~delete the “s” in English, especially in writing. Even so, I will continue to work as hard as I can to improve myself.
I was born in Vietnam and grew up in an urban city. Although I was born in Vietnam, but my first language is Cantonese because my parents do not speak much Vietnamese. I started to learn Vietnamese at the age of seven. I remember when I was in elementary school, everything were very difficult to me because I never learn any Vietnamese before I attend school. Every time that I got a hard homework, I tried and tried every effort to help myself out since my family do not know Vietnamese. Although sometimes, I feel very helplessly, but I never give up without trying my best. Maybe because of this reason, it had influenced me to became more and more independent when I grow up.